The elusive Staunton Harold trip.
On a Friday my mum finishes work at 1pm. She's a hostess for Toyota. Lovely, smiley lady who makes a cracking brew. After multiple phone calls from me whinging about my loveable rogue she suggested a walk out at Staunton Harold.
So off we headed! Molly was whimpering with excitement as we arrived! She maybe 8 years old this year but life has treated her well, she doesn't look a day over 2 and often gets mistaken for a pup! What a bitch!
Disaster number 1. The pay & display card machine was broken. Brilliant. In the middle of nowhere with about 60p between us. Mum is at the car with Nancy and Molly, Olly is jumping around over the new landscaped area like a chimp, I'm stressing. Decision? Sod it, I like to live life on the edge. Let's risk it... No ticket for us. Pow!
It was a lovely afternoon, sun shining, sunglasses on. First stop, a quick play on the park. Mum takes a seat on one of the picnic benches with Noodles and Molly chops, I go to "supervise" the boys play. Lesson number one, always expect the unexpected with my eldest. From the park he spots "the beach" to us, the reservoir shore.
Disaster number 2. Why is it that my almost 4 year old can run rings round me, literally. When not on maternity leave I am a Primary School PE and School Sports Specialist. I am going to blame the extra, post-baby timber that I'm carrying around for my slackness. The little rat decides he's going to run into the forest area. Please someone offer me some solace and agree that their patience-ometer goes from 0-100 in 0.000001 seconds when you're in a busy public place and your child WON'T FREAKING LISTEN TO YOU. Well karma prevailed and the little smarty pants fell over a branch. "Sorry for not listening Momma" loves given, grazed knee cleaned. We continued.
My mum at this point is looking mortified at the fact this is her second daughter, with an errant son, that is letting the whole of South Derbyshire know how pissed off she is with her selected hearing child. My sister Nicola set the trend with Charlie who is now 10, almost 11; still a little smart arse but has generally improved in the behaviour/listening department.
As we get closer to "the beach" Olly spots the big boys skimming stones. Molly who is good off her lead, myself and Olly head down to the water. Cue....
Disaster number 3. As we get on the sanded area there is a little creek that meanders down to the water. It varies in width. Olly being a boy, naturally wants to leap over the widest point, I reason with him and we go over a narrower section. We throw a few stones. Mum watches on from up by the path with Noodles. As I say it's time to go we head back to the creek and again Super Olly wants to launch himself across the widest point. I say not. But you know, when you're 4 and don't actually give a shit about consequences why the hell not. Over he goes, loses his balance, brand new converse (which by the way my child needs a new pair of shoes every 6 weeks cause his feet grow that fast) end up in sinking mud. Fan-friggin-tastic. Better still, what Olly does, Molly does. The white fluff ball throws herself in to the mud with him and rolls around in it. If I were animated, this is the part where steam would be blowing out of every orifice possible. I frog march them back to my mum who by now could stop traffic with her face. She did not bring us up to be public screamers. Sorry, not sorry mum. Do we turn back to the car. Nope. The mud is drying before ANY of them get in to my car. Which coincidentally is a wheelie bin thanks to the pair of them.
On we go. As we continue to walk to the sailing club. The 2 of them decide to run off up and over a hill. We've already established my fitness isn't much to scream about at the moment. Out comes rent-a-gob again.
I admit defeat. White flag well and truly raised. Back to the car we go. One baby that's slept through it all, one Nanny that can't cope with the public embarrassment, one 3 year old with a grazed knee and mud clay caked shoes, one mud clay matted pooch and a momma that's losing the will to live. Homeward bound. Needless to say we weren't invited in to my mums when we dropped her home. The only positive taken from the day. No parking ticket. Every cloud and all that...
No comments:
Post a Comment