In the past I have talked of my #instagreeneyedmonster but social media really is a massive part of our every day lives. Friend or foe? Facebook or Stalkerbook? I am the worlds worst for being glued to my phone and when I take a moment to realise what I'm doing I piss myself off.
My 4 year old knows all the passwords to the iPad and iPhones in our house. He knows how to work them with little help or instruction. He can easily go on the iPad, load up Netflix and stick himself a movie on. He managed to find Walking with Dinosaurs with zero help. It's scary.
In recent weeks I have had a few social media faux pars. I am adamant that anyone reading this can relate to at least one of them... if not, are you living under a rock?!
1) Snapchat.
We have nothing to hide in this house, Olly is allowed to play on the iPad - educational games, fun games, learning apps, YouTube and Netflix. He also likes Facetiming family and friends. A few weeks ago I was getting changed on the landing at home. "Mummy, can I just play on blaze please" (Blaze and the Monster Machines, a new educational programme on Nick Junior. Naturally they release an App at the same time which costs a small fortune) "Yes, sit on the bed with it" is my respond. Next, as I am bending forward in the most unflattering position... bum in the air, changing my underwear, I hear the infamous "click" which anyone with an iPhone knows it's the camera button.
Now for his birthday he had a Vtec FunCam almost like a kids Go Pro. Olly is obsessed with taking pictures.
Me "Don't take pictures of mummy whilst she's getting changed Ol"
Olly "I got your bum momma"
Me "Give me the phone, you're not playing with it anymore"
I remove phone from his hands and look at the screen.... MORTIFIED.... IT'S ON SNAPCHAT.
I go to the feed and he has sent the picture. Of my bum. As I am getting changed.
Cue sweaty palm, nervous breathing, cherry head, veins pulsing. Who the bloody hell has he sent the picture to?
Luckily he has sent it to my niece and not posted it as my "Snapchat story" however my niece is 13, hangs around with a large group of girls, all of whom attend my cheerleading academy. Last thing I want is them seeing a picture of my arse and no doubt an unflattering one at that.
Out goes the danger text "MINI... OLLY HAS SENT YOU A SNAPCHAT OF MY BUM. DO NOT OPEN IT IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS!"
Then I wait and pray she reads the text before opening the Snapchat. FML.
2) (accidental) Facebook profile picture update.
This is still a standing joke in my family, my sisters particularly - pair of cow bags. Who ever invented the screen shot needs hanging...
I am 6 months post baby and 12 weeks after Nancy was born I began doing my own "healthy eating" plan before my husband treated me to a Nutritionist and I started Insanity. My nutritionist told me to take a picture in my underwear when I started my plan as my "before" picture. I then took another picture in my underwear when I lost a stone on plan. Then I put the 2 images side by side to check comparisons. Sarah my nutritionist emailed me about a week ago asking if I would go on their website when I reached my goal with a testimonial and a before and after picture. At the time of her email I was breast feeding Nancy and also on Facebook selecting a new profile picture. After reading her email I decided to take a moment to reflect on my pictures. Do I really want to put it on the internet for everyone to see? I should be proud of my weight loss but the first picture is bloody awful in the most unflattering nursing bra and granny pants. At this point due to multitasking poorly, I didn't realise the pictures I was looking at were actually connected to my Facebook profile. Nancy finishes feeding so I discard my phone to one side and sit her up and go about by business.
Approximately 10 minutes later I get a phone call from my sister. "hey up, you alright" she says followed by more small talk. After a few exchanges of conversation she chirps in "did you mean to put a picture of yourself on Facebook in your underwear?"
NOOOOOOOOO!!!! MORTIFIED.... AGAIN!!!!!!
I hang up the phone as fast as I can, open the App and there I am. For all 800 odd facebook friends including work colleagues, family, inlaws, parents of my cheer academy, students of my cheer academy, every man and his bloody dog to see... DELETE, DELETE, DELLLLEEETTTTEEEEE!!!!
I call her back, she continues to say it's been there for 8 minutes or so. She thought I knew, it wasn't until she spoke to my other sister about it that they decided, perhaps, just perhaps it wasn't intentional and someone should maybe call me??????
I may as well do the before and after for MacNutrition now as it seems everyone has a screen shot of it anyway... Still crying and dying a little bit on the inside!
3. Facebook stalking.
All girls have a nemesis, regardless of their age, and friends (lesson learnt above) screenshot things and send them to their friends for discussion and analysis. I am sure I have fallen victim to this and being a culprit many times over. Fortunately for me I have never made this error (or so I think) The Facebook Stalk/Friend Request.
It still amazes me how many people have their Facebook as a public setting especially those that have children or work with children. A girl I used to work with had an ongoing feud with another girl I knew, I was a mutual friend, fortunate enough to never get dragged in to their dislike. The girl I used to work with one day said her nemesis had "requested her" as a friend on Facebook. We were both more than aware this was probably not the case, well not on purpose anyway. So I sent a little message, asking if she was aware of the friend request. Similar to my reaction above, she was not. She was also massively pissed off at both being caught stalking and her stupidity. If you're going to stalk people; approach with caution!
4. Unintentional Insta-Love
Again, open profiles. This I have fallen victim too. Having a browse, one insta account accidently/non-accidentally leads to another and before long your on your sisters, friends, brothers, wives, exes, girlfriends profile.
All apple users know that a double tap to the screen with looking at images, emails etc. magnifies things. We also know a double tap on instagram means you "love" said picture. If you are not on top of your A-Game or sleep deprived you can end up getting yourself in to a world of trouble. Or of course if you show your parents something and their eyesight leaves a little to be desired... They help themselves to a cheeky double tap un be known to you and before you know it you are sharing unintentional insta-love.
SOCIAL MEDIA. APPROACH WITH CAUTION. OR BE CAREFUL WHO YOU LET LOOSE WITH YOUR PHONES AND TABLETS!!!!
Wednesday, 23 September 2015
Good Luck Lightening McQueen...
The time has come! The dreaded or celebrated (feelings are still to be decided) day arrived. Pre-school was now a distant memory, the first day of the next 7 years was finally here!
Like most parents (dad's - don't try acting all macho, I'm sure there were tears from you too) the journey has been emotional! Tears of joy; tears of sadness. Tears of god damn confusion!
That bloody "Dear Teacher" poem flying around Facebook, yes I was one of those who posted/shared it! I couldn't even get pass the first paragraph without my face resembling Niagara Falls. Truth is, as much as they're little sods that drive you mad, you miss the noise and chaos when they're not there for long periods of time. God help me when it's university time (if he chooses to go)
During the days leading up to school starting, "School" was a taboo subject in our house. I kept having mini hormonal break downs. Ironing the uniform, re-ironing in those pigging name labels. But regardless of how I/We were feeling, it was happening.
Now, Olly's teacher is called Mrs McLean. I however some how read it as McClean. So I had been embedding in Olly how to pronounce her name. Olly still struggles with a few letters, L's being one of them, C is another (his cruel cousins often try to get him to say Hello Kitty. His C's are pronounced as T's... Hello Titty. My poor boy) This in mind and due to my misreading, Olly had began referring to his soon to be teacher as Mrs McQueen which rapidly changed to Lightening McQueen. Imagine my horror, not even started school yet and already prime contender for the cheekiest child... I remember having a Geography teacher at secondary school who was god awful; Miss Meredith. Affectionately referred to as Miss Mega Death by students of all ages. I remember once answering the register as "Yes Miss Mega Death" purely by accident and spent the majority of the lesson stood outside. Was history about to repeat itself?!
The day arrived and the hubs managed to start training late so he could come and drop Olly off. My little bear, all grown up. He looked bloody scrummy! I knew only too well that when I'd collect him at 12pm that this image would be a distant memory, even in such a short time. My child is a muck magnet.
After months of debating and struggling we had managed to get Olly in to a gorgeous village school which is 15-20 minutes drive from our house. We began our journey. We went in 2 cars as Steve had to leave straight for work just after 9am and I was going to stay for the very cute and very thoughtful "Tea and Tissues" event that the school host in the school hall. It's a chance for all the hormonal parents to congregate and share, well, tears over a cup of tea.
We parked our cars at the local village hall and made our way to school. I had a lump in my throat the whole walk. As every parent must ask themselves, where had the past 4 years gone? How did he get so old? How did I get so old? Fighting back the tears we walked along as a family of 4.
As we joined the other parents and new students in the class, we followed instructions, PE kit on coat peg followed by coat, water bottles in tray, wellies in the welly box then self registration. All seemed to be going ok. There were tears from some of the other kiddies but the bear seemed to be taking everything in his stride which made me even more emotional. He didn't need OR want me! And then I saw her...
As in the title of my blog, you couldn't write it. The long lost friend. Who lived in another county. Why was she here? My first thought was, she must be here with friends or family as they lived locally... No. Wait. Light bulb moment. Her little boy is 2 weeks younger than Olly; the same school year. They can't be in the same school. I look across the room at the hubs who flashes me a knowing smirk. Any tears that were welling are gone and I am in shock. An utter state of shock. I see her husband there too. Then her little boy. I'll be god damned. I didn't see them at the induction day. I turn my head back to scan the self registration board and low and behold his name is there.
Let me back track... 2012 saw me lose 2 very close friends... Not death, just from my life. One just estranged herself and I never knew why despite trying to find out. I just had to roll with the punches and follow the saying, if you love them let them go, if they love you they'll find a way back... That one never did.
The other friend is mentioned above. We fell out over business. She was one of my best friends, we had our babies 2 weeks apart and did everything together. Said business folded not long after it started, which is sad to think we lost a fantastic friendship for nothing. We weren't in business together, just a massive conflict of interest. Don't mix friends and business...
After almost 3 years of not seeing each other or speaking, here we were, with our boys, at school, in the same school... TOGETHER!!!
I obviously professed I wouldn't go to the "tea and tissues" morning now, the hubs gave me an imaginary bitch slap and told me to pull myself together. As we left the class room he gave me a prep talk... how had I become the child?! I had only 30 minutes earlier been giving Olly a prep talk in the car! He reminded me that we had chosen a small village school with 16 children in the class. There was every chance the boys were going to be friends, if not directly, there would be birthday parties and events that they would need to be at together. He basically told me to grow up.
So following his words I plodded off to the hall. After small talk with other parents I was finally on my own, feeling anxious. A different anxious to what I expected to feel.
She then came over to speak to me. A whirlwind of surreal-ness. We talked, we laughed, we reminisced. It was good to speak, I gained an ally, someone else who was guaranteed to be late at some point! Her little boy wasn't there at the induction as they were celebrating their wedding overseas. She did know Olly was going to be there though as she'd heard it through a third party (careful who can see your facebook posts, some people who have nothing better to do, spend all day snooping so they can fill their boredom by talking about your business) She said she was going to send a pre-warning text but I'm glad she didn't! Like any scorn person I think I'd have gone with my guard up if I'd have know and we probably wouldn't have had the conversation that we did.
Our friendship has a lot of collateral damage that needs repairing but as someone very close said to me; As a firm believer in fate, there was a reason the boys ended up at school together. Life is too short to hold a grudge...
As Olly embarks on his new adventure and journey, so do I. In more ways than one...
At 12pm I went to collect my boy. True to form he looked like he'd been wrestling with alligators in a pond filled with paint. In only 3 hours he had managed to dirty every piece of clothing possible and scuff his brand new shoes!
He was doing one more half day then all day there after. He loved school and everything about it! And surprise surprise he met a friend. The friend he played with and spent all his time with as a baby, unknown to him.
It's funny how things turn out...
Like most parents (dad's - don't try acting all macho, I'm sure there were tears from you too) the journey has been emotional! Tears of joy; tears of sadness. Tears of god damn confusion!
That bloody "Dear Teacher" poem flying around Facebook, yes I was one of those who posted/shared it! I couldn't even get pass the first paragraph without my face resembling Niagara Falls. Truth is, as much as they're little sods that drive you mad, you miss the noise and chaos when they're not there for long periods of time. God help me when it's university time (if he chooses to go)
During the days leading up to school starting, "School" was a taboo subject in our house. I kept having mini hormonal break downs. Ironing the uniform, re-ironing in those pigging name labels. But regardless of how I/We were feeling, it was happening.
Now, Olly's teacher is called Mrs McLean. I however some how read it as McClean. So I had been embedding in Olly how to pronounce her name. Olly still struggles with a few letters, L's being one of them, C is another (his cruel cousins often try to get him to say Hello Kitty. His C's are pronounced as T's... Hello Titty. My poor boy) This in mind and due to my misreading, Olly had began referring to his soon to be teacher as Mrs McQueen which rapidly changed to Lightening McQueen. Imagine my horror, not even started school yet and already prime contender for the cheekiest child... I remember having a Geography teacher at secondary school who was god awful; Miss Meredith. Affectionately referred to as Miss Mega Death by students of all ages. I remember once answering the register as "Yes Miss Mega Death" purely by accident and spent the majority of the lesson stood outside. Was history about to repeat itself?!
The day arrived and the hubs managed to start training late so he could come and drop Olly off. My little bear, all grown up. He looked bloody scrummy! I knew only too well that when I'd collect him at 12pm that this image would be a distant memory, even in such a short time. My child is a muck magnet.
After months of debating and struggling we had managed to get Olly in to a gorgeous village school which is 15-20 minutes drive from our house. We began our journey. We went in 2 cars as Steve had to leave straight for work just after 9am and I was going to stay for the very cute and very thoughtful "Tea and Tissues" event that the school host in the school hall. It's a chance for all the hormonal parents to congregate and share, well, tears over a cup of tea.
We parked our cars at the local village hall and made our way to school. I had a lump in my throat the whole walk. As every parent must ask themselves, where had the past 4 years gone? How did he get so old? How did I get so old? Fighting back the tears we walked along as a family of 4.
As we joined the other parents and new students in the class, we followed instructions, PE kit on coat peg followed by coat, water bottles in tray, wellies in the welly box then self registration. All seemed to be going ok. There were tears from some of the other kiddies but the bear seemed to be taking everything in his stride which made me even more emotional. He didn't need OR want me! And then I saw her...
As in the title of my blog, you couldn't write it. The long lost friend. Who lived in another county. Why was she here? My first thought was, she must be here with friends or family as they lived locally... No. Wait. Light bulb moment. Her little boy is 2 weeks younger than Olly; the same school year. They can't be in the same school. I look across the room at the hubs who flashes me a knowing smirk. Any tears that were welling are gone and I am in shock. An utter state of shock. I see her husband there too. Then her little boy. I'll be god damned. I didn't see them at the induction day. I turn my head back to scan the self registration board and low and behold his name is there.
Let me back track... 2012 saw me lose 2 very close friends... Not death, just from my life. One just estranged herself and I never knew why despite trying to find out. I just had to roll with the punches and follow the saying, if you love them let them go, if they love you they'll find a way back... That one never did.
The other friend is mentioned above. We fell out over business. She was one of my best friends, we had our babies 2 weeks apart and did everything together. Said business folded not long after it started, which is sad to think we lost a fantastic friendship for nothing. We weren't in business together, just a massive conflict of interest. Don't mix friends and business...
After almost 3 years of not seeing each other or speaking, here we were, with our boys, at school, in the same school... TOGETHER!!!
I obviously professed I wouldn't go to the "tea and tissues" morning now, the hubs gave me an imaginary bitch slap and told me to pull myself together. As we left the class room he gave me a prep talk... how had I become the child?! I had only 30 minutes earlier been giving Olly a prep talk in the car! He reminded me that we had chosen a small village school with 16 children in the class. There was every chance the boys were going to be friends, if not directly, there would be birthday parties and events that they would need to be at together. He basically told me to grow up.
So following his words I plodded off to the hall. After small talk with other parents I was finally on my own, feeling anxious. A different anxious to what I expected to feel.
She then came over to speak to me. A whirlwind of surreal-ness. We talked, we laughed, we reminisced. It was good to speak, I gained an ally, someone else who was guaranteed to be late at some point! Her little boy wasn't there at the induction as they were celebrating their wedding overseas. She did know Olly was going to be there though as she'd heard it through a third party (careful who can see your facebook posts, some people who have nothing better to do, spend all day snooping so they can fill their boredom by talking about your business) She said she was going to send a pre-warning text but I'm glad she didn't! Like any scorn person I think I'd have gone with my guard up if I'd have know and we probably wouldn't have had the conversation that we did.
Our friendship has a lot of collateral damage that needs repairing but as someone very close said to me; As a firm believer in fate, there was a reason the boys ended up at school together. Life is too short to hold a grudge...
As Olly embarks on his new adventure and journey, so do I. In more ways than one...
At 12pm I went to collect my boy. True to form he looked like he'd been wrestling with alligators in a pond filled with paint. In only 3 hours he had managed to dirty every piece of clothing possible and scuff his brand new shoes!
He was doing one more half day then all day there after. He loved school and everything about it! And surprise surprise he met a friend. The friend he played with and spent all his time with as a baby, unknown to him.
It's funny how things turn out...
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