As an adult there are many times I've questioned if leaving the house with a bag on my head would be acceptable. I was blessed or cursed (at 32 it's still undecided) with rather large hair, to accompany my rather large arse and rather large boobs! (second two came after children)
Unfortunately for my boy, he seems to have inherited the massive hair gene. His dad also has a bit of a white 'fro when it grows too long. The poor kid never stood a chance!
As a baby, up until he was 2 and a half, Olly had the most gorgeous golden ringlets. Often he was mistaken for a girl due to his lustres locks. It wasn't until I surprised the hubs with a trip to Dubai for his 30th that we cut his hair in to a "proper" boys "short back and sides". Before this he looked like a GAP advert kid or surfer dude. The hubs told me it was cruel taking him to such a hot climate with hair that add to the increase in his own body temperature. So off came the curls and along came the floods of tears from one totally emosh momma.
After he had his curls cut off, his hair became increasingly difficult to control. He can go to bed with a tamed, flat mop and wake up like he's been wrestling with crocodiles. Every day is a battle to flatten it down with a water sprayer and comb. Then, if time, a blast from the hair dryer followed by some styling wax.
Each morning we do it before school, sometimes it point blank, does not want to conform. On these days I am grateful for cold mornings and woolly hats that help with the flattening process!
There are the occasional days where we don't have time to really style his hair and sods law one of those days would happen to be (unknown to me) the day of school photos. It was quite mild on said morning, so a hat in the car was a big NO from the bear. He sat in his booster seat looking out the window, rubbing his head side to side on the head rest.
By the time we arrived at school, he stepped out of the car and his hair was WILD at the back, like a nest and we had nothing to tame it. As we walked up to the school gates I am trying to flatten it at the back. We arrive at the picket fence and as he crosses the gate (where parents are forbidden) I hear one of the other parents say to their child "make sure you smile nicely"
I have a deep sinking, sicky feeling in my tummy. Nooooooo. Not school photos please!
Yep, school photos. Missed that memo didn't I? I look at his hair and try to get him to come back to me but he's more interested in the class room and getting up to no good! Don't worry says his TA, I'll make sure he looks ok!
I remember my mum telling me a story about my oldest sister going to school with bunches for her first school photo and she took them out just before the pictures were taken cause she wanted her hair down. Mum said the pictures were awful!
I've pretty much resided to the fact his first school photo will not be one from the mantle piece, more so his journey through life box of memories. I'm fairly confident we'll be presented with a picture of our little scrummy bum looking like he's been electrocuted!
Thursday, 22 October 2015
Wednesday, 21 October 2015
Turning over a new (not brown) leaf
4 weeks in, one "can I have a word" situations and a week off school sick. It was time for the bear to return.
"I promise momma, I will be a good, good boy, I will try my hardest to be on the green leaf and bring floppy home!" Credit where credits due, this 4 year old can talk the talk. He had me eating out of his hand on the journey to school, totally sold his new found good behaviour to me!
I dropped him at the reception gate, gave him a kiss and walked off secretly crossing my fingers for a good end of day report. I had convinced myself maybe the prior mishaps had been down to tiredness and coming down with the sickness bug.
Flash forward 6 and a half hours, I was back at the Reception picket fence waiting to collect him. The hubs had got progressively worse and was in a taxi on his way to the club doctor as the headache that he had had for the past 3 days had reached maximum unbearable-ness.
Out come the children being dismissed to parents and then I see the old pattern forming, Lightening is avoiding eye contact. Shit, it's Deja freaking Vu. It always happens when I need to be somewhere. Finally it appears all the class bar 2 or 3 have been dismissed.
"we've had a terrible day, utterly silly choices" at this point I despair. Words fail me. There's only so many times you can say sorry. In my head I'm considering apologising in a different language so I don't sound so repetitive. I can say sorry in Spanish and then draw a blank, my bilingual skills leave a little to be desired. I know it's serious today as the head on my boy is hanging low.
Now Olly is a risk taker, but not that clever at thinking up the ideas. If some presents him with an opportunity regardless of the risk involved, he'll take it. He will totally risk it for a biscuit.
Todays mishap... Whilst doing Harvest Festival vegetable prints outside, him and 2 accomplices decide to paint their hands and decorate the wooden tower and slide in their Reception outdoor area. I felt like I had steam coming out my nose, ears, mouth, everywhere. Olly has NEVER drawn, scribbled, painted anywhere he shouldn't at home or pre-school. We've been really lucky. But here, on this day he has. I'm the first to admit he is no angel but I also know this was no brain child of his. He was merely a sheep that had been caught in the act. So of course, Brown Leaf for the bear, he bypassed the 3 warnings.
Then during afternoon carpet time he got in an "altercation" with another student and found himself in the head of KS1 classroom.
The boy had his tail firmly between his legs. As we walked back to the car I get the call to say the hubs is been taken to hospital... When it rains it really bloody well pours.
My mum came over to sort the children so I could get to the hospital and put them in bed. Olly didn't really understand what was going on. Steve is often away with work on over night stays so this wasn't unusual for Olly but my mum had told him daddy was poorly and had gone to get better.
Tuesday I took Olly to school and Nancy to her first proper day at the child minders, she was only doing half a day.
My mum and dad collected Olly from school and when I got back to theirs from the hospital I was greeted with a big smile and the news that he had only bloody well made the GREEN LEAF!!! So out comes to crazy mum dance (imagine my arms rowing a boat and my legs riding a bike at the same time) the infamous "sprinkler" move came out and general celebration stupidity!!
I dropped him at school on the Wednesday morning and again prayed for a good day, dropped Nancy at the child minders and proceeded to the hospital.
My parents collected both children today so I could stay at the hospital to speak with the specialist.
When I arrived at their house Olly had a visitor with him. FLOPPY DOG!!! We had finally made Star of the Day! This was a HUGE deal! Out came the cringe worthy moves again but the boy was made up! And Steve started to feel better!
Not sure if in Olly's little head he thinks his good behaviour helped his daddy get better but we have turned a new leaf, Floppy has been to our house twice in the space of a week! Olly has been promoted from Milk helper to Cloak Room Tidier! Along with a little girl in his class called Heidi. She even encouraged him to try carrots at lunch (which he hates) because they make you "see in the dark" however he did say he still doesn't like them and if he needs to see in the dark, he'll get a torch!!!
It's our first parents evening tomorrow night, it will be interesting to hear more about our character!
Kids! Just another day... But long may it continue!
"I promise momma, I will be a good, good boy, I will try my hardest to be on the green leaf and bring floppy home!" Credit where credits due, this 4 year old can talk the talk. He had me eating out of his hand on the journey to school, totally sold his new found good behaviour to me!
I dropped him at the reception gate, gave him a kiss and walked off secretly crossing my fingers for a good end of day report. I had convinced myself maybe the prior mishaps had been down to tiredness and coming down with the sickness bug.
Flash forward 6 and a half hours, I was back at the Reception picket fence waiting to collect him. The hubs had got progressively worse and was in a taxi on his way to the club doctor as the headache that he had had for the past 3 days had reached maximum unbearable-ness.
Out come the children being dismissed to parents and then I see the old pattern forming, Lightening is avoiding eye contact. Shit, it's Deja freaking Vu. It always happens when I need to be somewhere. Finally it appears all the class bar 2 or 3 have been dismissed.
"we've had a terrible day, utterly silly choices" at this point I despair. Words fail me. There's only so many times you can say sorry. In my head I'm considering apologising in a different language so I don't sound so repetitive. I can say sorry in Spanish and then draw a blank, my bilingual skills leave a little to be desired. I know it's serious today as the head on my boy is hanging low.
Now Olly is a risk taker, but not that clever at thinking up the ideas. If some presents him with an opportunity regardless of the risk involved, he'll take it. He will totally risk it for a biscuit.
Todays mishap... Whilst doing Harvest Festival vegetable prints outside, him and 2 accomplices decide to paint their hands and decorate the wooden tower and slide in their Reception outdoor area. I felt like I had steam coming out my nose, ears, mouth, everywhere. Olly has NEVER drawn, scribbled, painted anywhere he shouldn't at home or pre-school. We've been really lucky. But here, on this day he has. I'm the first to admit he is no angel but I also know this was no brain child of his. He was merely a sheep that had been caught in the act. So of course, Brown Leaf for the bear, he bypassed the 3 warnings.
Then during afternoon carpet time he got in an "altercation" with another student and found himself in the head of KS1 classroom.
The boy had his tail firmly between his legs. As we walked back to the car I get the call to say the hubs is been taken to hospital... When it rains it really bloody well pours.
My mum came over to sort the children so I could get to the hospital and put them in bed. Olly didn't really understand what was going on. Steve is often away with work on over night stays so this wasn't unusual for Olly but my mum had told him daddy was poorly and had gone to get better.
Tuesday I took Olly to school and Nancy to her first proper day at the child minders, she was only doing half a day.
My mum and dad collected Olly from school and when I got back to theirs from the hospital I was greeted with a big smile and the news that he had only bloody well made the GREEN LEAF!!! So out comes to crazy mum dance (imagine my arms rowing a boat and my legs riding a bike at the same time) the infamous "sprinkler" move came out and general celebration stupidity!!
I dropped him at school on the Wednesday morning and again prayed for a good day, dropped Nancy at the child minders and proceeded to the hospital.
My parents collected both children today so I could stay at the hospital to speak with the specialist.
When I arrived at their house Olly had a visitor with him. FLOPPY DOG!!! We had finally made Star of the Day! This was a HUGE deal! Out came the cringe worthy moves again but the boy was made up! And Steve started to feel better!
Not sure if in Olly's little head he thinks his good behaviour helped his daddy get better but we have turned a new leaf, Floppy has been to our house twice in the space of a week! Olly has been promoted from Milk helper to Cloak Room Tidier! Along with a little girl in his class called Heidi. She even encouraged him to try carrots at lunch (which he hates) because they make you "see in the dark" however he did say he still doesn't like them and if he needs to see in the dark, he'll get a torch!!!
It's our first parents evening tomorrow night, it will be interesting to hear more about our character!
Kids! Just another day... But long may it continue!
Quarantine Quarters; The Sick House
It's taken us 4 years but we finally had Olly christened, it hasn't helped that his godfather lives in Dubai, so getting him over hasn't been the easiest task. However, in the end it worked in our favour and we were able to get our munchkins christened together. Perfect.
And that's what it was; a perfect day. The weather was beautiful, those important to us were there, the children behaved and the Reverend introduced me to my new favourite hymn; a chant with bongo drums!
We were fortunate enough to have friends and family travel from near and far to spend the day with us. As mentioned, Olly's godfather and his fiancé Sam flew in from Dubai for the weekend. It was an express visit and we tried to spend as much time with them as possible. After the christening reception, they came back to our house to gauge on left over cake and chill out before they headed back to the land of sand the next day.
As the evening crept in, the bear didn't quite seem himself, he was burning up, very sleepy and very clingy. He didn't even want to open his cards and presents. It wasn't long after our guests had left that he vomited all over our bed. Like a tap that wouldn't switch off it just kept coming. I hate sick, detest it. In my younger years I'd have rather have been ill for days than be physically sick. Now here I find myself running towards it hands cupped trying to catch it.
Rules of school say 48 hours off from the last bout of sickness. I bet Lightening was thanking her lucky stars following the end of last week. So Monday and Tuesday he spent the majority of time sleeping. On the Wednesday I packed him up ready to go back to school, he seemed to have improved Tuesday afternoon and evening. But by lunch time I had received a call to collect him. We visited the GP Thursday morning and he had Friday off too. He had a viral infection and was generally exhausted, he just needed rest and lots of TLC.
Wednesday saw Nancy tag team Olly and join the sick club. She showered me in projectile vomit, literally everywhere. I stood dripping with sick in the kitchen as the hubs just stood there and watched. I had to get changed on the spot and when I went to the bathroom I had a big sploge in my hair, looked very similar to that scene in the film "There's something about Mary" it was horrible. Luckily by Friday Nancy was pretty much back to normal.
The hubs came home ill on Thursday too. He's still training for his marathon which is on 25th October. His immune system is pretty low with all the training he is doing and he's not really giving himself enough time to recover. As he works in professional sport he was told to keep away until he was better as they couldn't afford for the players to catch what he had as he works so closely.
Now he doesn't like me talking about him on here, I don't know why, I'm not even sure that many people read it! But in short over the weekend he got progressively worse and by Monday was hospitalised. Very scary. Lots of wires, lots of tests, lots of terms being thrown around, CT scans, Lumber Punctures, Blood tests, Morphine, Anti Sickness drips.
After a number of days in hospital I was glad to bring him home! He's now back to marathon training and has the big day this Sunday! He is aiming for under 3 hours and is raising money for Autism Awareness in Derby. I am super proud of him! He never fails to amaze me with his can do mentally.... Good Luck Mr H!xxx
And that's what it was; a perfect day. The weather was beautiful, those important to us were there, the children behaved and the Reverend introduced me to my new favourite hymn; a chant with bongo drums!
We were fortunate enough to have friends and family travel from near and far to spend the day with us. As mentioned, Olly's godfather and his fiancé Sam flew in from Dubai for the weekend. It was an express visit and we tried to spend as much time with them as possible. After the christening reception, they came back to our house to gauge on left over cake and chill out before they headed back to the land of sand the next day.
As the evening crept in, the bear didn't quite seem himself, he was burning up, very sleepy and very clingy. He didn't even want to open his cards and presents. It wasn't long after our guests had left that he vomited all over our bed. Like a tap that wouldn't switch off it just kept coming. I hate sick, detest it. In my younger years I'd have rather have been ill for days than be physically sick. Now here I find myself running towards it hands cupped trying to catch it.
Rules of school say 48 hours off from the last bout of sickness. I bet Lightening was thanking her lucky stars following the end of last week. So Monday and Tuesday he spent the majority of time sleeping. On the Wednesday I packed him up ready to go back to school, he seemed to have improved Tuesday afternoon and evening. But by lunch time I had received a call to collect him. We visited the GP Thursday morning and he had Friday off too. He had a viral infection and was generally exhausted, he just needed rest and lots of TLC.
Wednesday saw Nancy tag team Olly and join the sick club. She showered me in projectile vomit, literally everywhere. I stood dripping with sick in the kitchen as the hubs just stood there and watched. I had to get changed on the spot and when I went to the bathroom I had a big sploge in my hair, looked very similar to that scene in the film "There's something about Mary" it was horrible. Luckily by Friday Nancy was pretty much back to normal.
The hubs came home ill on Thursday too. He's still training for his marathon which is on 25th October. His immune system is pretty low with all the training he is doing and he's not really giving himself enough time to recover. As he works in professional sport he was told to keep away until he was better as they couldn't afford for the players to catch what he had as he works so closely.
Now he doesn't like me talking about him on here, I don't know why, I'm not even sure that many people read it! But in short over the weekend he got progressively worse and by Monday was hospitalised. Very scary. Lots of wires, lots of tests, lots of terms being thrown around, CT scans, Lumber Punctures, Blood tests, Morphine, Anti Sickness drips.
After a number of days in hospital I was glad to bring him home! He's now back to marathon training and has the big day this Sunday! He is aiming for under 3 hours and is raising money for Autism Awareness in Derby. I am super proud of him! He never fails to amaze me with his can do mentally.... Good Luck Mr H!xxx
Can I have a word please...
What a roller coaster these past 7 weeks have been! My little man all grown up and at full time school... I was praying his mischievous character wouldn't get him on the wrong side of his teacher early doors, but who was I kidding. The saying isn't famous without reason. The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.
Second week in, it's Thursday and I go to pick my monster up from school, as all the children are being dismissed from the Reception gate, I try to catch Lightening McQueen's eye to let her know "I'm here" but she looks beyond me. So I shuffle around a bit, Cooey, I'm here, even do that awkward, can you see me wave which I'm returned with an index finger (signalling 1 minute) in the air. Christ. And then follow those 6 words that you don't really want to hear...
"Can I have a word please?"
On the Wednesday night Olly had been in and out of his room all night and was a nightmare getting ready for school in the morning. We were both exhausted but I hoped when he got to school he would perk up and be alright. Maybe he'd be one of those kids that fell asleep on the carpet during afternoon story time because it's all got "a bit too much"
My bear is the last one in the class to be let out. He has been on a boundary pushing bender. I could feel my face and ears burning. I'm relieved that no other parents are there to hear but also want the floor to open up and swallow me whole. I know he can be a little sod for us but you hope when your children are in other surroundings, with other people, that they'll behave. Oh no, not Olly. Olly will see just how far he can get.
I'm told he has spent the majority of the day on the brown leaf. Let me explain the behaviour hierarchy...
The Tree - all children in the class start the day here.
The Green Leaf - for children who make "good choices" or do something that deserves praise
The Sunflower - For the king-ding-a-lings of the class. The pinnacle.
THE BROWN LEAF - for children who have received 3 warnings and STILL make BAD CHOICES
Floppy dog - A teddy bear that is called Floppy from the Biff and Chip books, he and his diary go home with a child from the class who is star of the day
There was one little lad in his class that had been put on "the brown leaf" one day and took it upon himself at break time to pop back in to the class and put himself back on the tree. I pissed myself at this, fair play! He obviously felt he'd done his time. I heard this didn't go down too well. I was secretly pleased this wasn't Olly though, but in hindsight maybe that would've have welcomed a bit more than being kept behind.
Now I was no angel and school, but no demon for that matter too. I was rent-a-gob, far too much to say. I remember being sent to the head teachers office in year 5 during sports day after calling someone in my class a twat. He was and it was deserved. I should perhaps mention that this word was part of my families every day lingo and was thrown around loosely. So to make it to 10 years old without getting in trouble for using the word was both a miracle and achievement in itself.
Anyhow. I digress. I am informed that Lightening McQueen has used all her usual methods to encourage better choices with no success so the threat of speaking to "mum" at the end of the day was extreme measures. As she's stood telling me all about it, Olly looks quite frankly, like he couldn't give a shit. In the car he advises me that school isn't really his thing. He'd like to be 3 again and go back to pre-school to play with Emily.
Due to his actions and us being kept back, we were now running late for swimming lessons. Most parents will probably understand the struggle of keeping to a tight deadline with after school activities. Thursday is swimming day, we finish school at 3:30pm get back to the car for 3:40-45pm, drive across the city to venue for swimming, arrive at 4:10pm, get changed and do a quick toilet stop, on poolside for 4:25pm ready for a 4:30pm start. We were at least 10 minutes behind schedule. I was blowing steam out my arse. Olly was very blasé about it all.
We have a chat in the car and decide when we get home from swimming we will make sorry cards for Lightening and his TA. And we do.
Friday on the way to school he tells me how he's going to try his hardest to get on the green leaf and when we arrive at school hands his sorry cards to his teacher and TA. They are a little shocked to receive them but thank him and we all raise and imaginary glass to the fact it's a new day, fresh start and TFI Friday!
3:30pm I go to collect the boy. I'm feeling secretly confident we will have had a better day. She opens the class door, then gate. Lightening looks as though she needs to go for a swim in a pool of wine.
THE LITTLE SOD WAS WORSE....
I apologise and scarper, stern words to be had in the car... It may be his christening weekend but treats will be rationed and he will understand bad behaviour is not rewarded. Changes will be made and Monday will be different. And it was. Olly picked up a sickness bug and wasn't allowed to go to school...
Which now takes me on to the worst week of 2015....
Second week in, it's Thursday and I go to pick my monster up from school, as all the children are being dismissed from the Reception gate, I try to catch Lightening McQueen's eye to let her know "I'm here" but she looks beyond me. So I shuffle around a bit, Cooey, I'm here, even do that awkward, can you see me wave which I'm returned with an index finger (signalling 1 minute) in the air. Christ. And then follow those 6 words that you don't really want to hear...
"Can I have a word please?"
On the Wednesday night Olly had been in and out of his room all night and was a nightmare getting ready for school in the morning. We were both exhausted but I hoped when he got to school he would perk up and be alright. Maybe he'd be one of those kids that fell asleep on the carpet during afternoon story time because it's all got "a bit too much"
My bear is the last one in the class to be let out. He has been on a boundary pushing bender. I could feel my face and ears burning. I'm relieved that no other parents are there to hear but also want the floor to open up and swallow me whole. I know he can be a little sod for us but you hope when your children are in other surroundings, with other people, that they'll behave. Oh no, not Olly. Olly will see just how far he can get.
I'm told he has spent the majority of the day on the brown leaf. Let me explain the behaviour hierarchy...
The Tree - all children in the class start the day here.
The Green Leaf - for children who make "good choices" or do something that deserves praise
The Sunflower - For the king-ding-a-lings of the class. The pinnacle.
THE BROWN LEAF - for children who have received 3 warnings and STILL make BAD CHOICES
Floppy dog - A teddy bear that is called Floppy from the Biff and Chip books, he and his diary go home with a child from the class who is star of the day
There was one little lad in his class that had been put on "the brown leaf" one day and took it upon himself at break time to pop back in to the class and put himself back on the tree. I pissed myself at this, fair play! He obviously felt he'd done his time. I heard this didn't go down too well. I was secretly pleased this wasn't Olly though, but in hindsight maybe that would've have welcomed a bit more than being kept behind.
Now I was no angel and school, but no demon for that matter too. I was rent-a-gob, far too much to say. I remember being sent to the head teachers office in year 5 during sports day after calling someone in my class a twat. He was and it was deserved. I should perhaps mention that this word was part of my families every day lingo and was thrown around loosely. So to make it to 10 years old without getting in trouble for using the word was both a miracle and achievement in itself.
Anyhow. I digress. I am informed that Lightening McQueen has used all her usual methods to encourage better choices with no success so the threat of speaking to "mum" at the end of the day was extreme measures. As she's stood telling me all about it, Olly looks quite frankly, like he couldn't give a shit. In the car he advises me that school isn't really his thing. He'd like to be 3 again and go back to pre-school to play with Emily.
Due to his actions and us being kept back, we were now running late for swimming lessons. Most parents will probably understand the struggle of keeping to a tight deadline with after school activities. Thursday is swimming day, we finish school at 3:30pm get back to the car for 3:40-45pm, drive across the city to venue for swimming, arrive at 4:10pm, get changed and do a quick toilet stop, on poolside for 4:25pm ready for a 4:30pm start. We were at least 10 minutes behind schedule. I was blowing steam out my arse. Olly was very blasé about it all.
We have a chat in the car and decide when we get home from swimming we will make sorry cards for Lightening and his TA. And we do.
Friday on the way to school he tells me how he's going to try his hardest to get on the green leaf and when we arrive at school hands his sorry cards to his teacher and TA. They are a little shocked to receive them but thank him and we all raise and imaginary glass to the fact it's a new day, fresh start and TFI Friday!
3:30pm I go to collect the boy. I'm feeling secretly confident we will have had a better day. She opens the class door, then gate. Lightening looks as though she needs to go for a swim in a pool of wine.
THE LITTLE SOD WAS WORSE....
I apologise and scarper, stern words to be had in the car... It may be his christening weekend but treats will be rationed and he will understand bad behaviour is not rewarded. Changes will be made and Monday will be different. And it was. Olly picked up a sickness bug and wasn't allowed to go to school...
Which now takes me on to the worst week of 2015....
Wednesday, 23 September 2015
Social Media; Friend or Foe?
In the past I have talked of my #instagreeneyedmonster but social media really is a massive part of our every day lives. Friend or foe? Facebook or Stalkerbook? I am the worlds worst for being glued to my phone and when I take a moment to realise what I'm doing I piss myself off.
My 4 year old knows all the passwords to the iPad and iPhones in our house. He knows how to work them with little help or instruction. He can easily go on the iPad, load up Netflix and stick himself a movie on. He managed to find Walking with Dinosaurs with zero help. It's scary.
In recent weeks I have had a few social media faux pars. I am adamant that anyone reading this can relate to at least one of them... if not, are you living under a rock?!
1) Snapchat.
We have nothing to hide in this house, Olly is allowed to play on the iPad - educational games, fun games, learning apps, YouTube and Netflix. He also likes Facetiming family and friends. A few weeks ago I was getting changed on the landing at home. "Mummy, can I just play on blaze please" (Blaze and the Monster Machines, a new educational programme on Nick Junior. Naturally they release an App at the same time which costs a small fortune) "Yes, sit on the bed with it" is my respond. Next, as I am bending forward in the most unflattering position... bum in the air, changing my underwear, I hear the infamous "click" which anyone with an iPhone knows it's the camera button.
Now for his birthday he had a Vtec FunCam almost like a kids Go Pro. Olly is obsessed with taking pictures.
Me "Don't take pictures of mummy whilst she's getting changed Ol"
Olly "I got your bum momma"
Me "Give me the phone, you're not playing with it anymore"
I remove phone from his hands and look at the screen.... MORTIFIED.... IT'S ON SNAPCHAT.
I go to the feed and he has sent the picture. Of my bum. As I am getting changed.
Cue sweaty palm, nervous breathing, cherry head, veins pulsing. Who the bloody hell has he sent the picture to?
Luckily he has sent it to my niece and not posted it as my "Snapchat story" however my niece is 13, hangs around with a large group of girls, all of whom attend my cheerleading academy. Last thing I want is them seeing a picture of my arse and no doubt an unflattering one at that.
Out goes the danger text "MINI... OLLY HAS SENT YOU A SNAPCHAT OF MY BUM. DO NOT OPEN IT IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS!"
Then I wait and pray she reads the text before opening the Snapchat. FML.
2) (accidental) Facebook profile picture update.
This is still a standing joke in my family, my sisters particularly - pair of cow bags. Who ever invented the screen shot needs hanging...
I am 6 months post baby and 12 weeks after Nancy was born I began doing my own "healthy eating" plan before my husband treated me to a Nutritionist and I started Insanity. My nutritionist told me to take a picture in my underwear when I started my plan as my "before" picture. I then took another picture in my underwear when I lost a stone on plan. Then I put the 2 images side by side to check comparisons. Sarah my nutritionist emailed me about a week ago asking if I would go on their website when I reached my goal with a testimonial and a before and after picture. At the time of her email I was breast feeding Nancy and also on Facebook selecting a new profile picture. After reading her email I decided to take a moment to reflect on my pictures. Do I really want to put it on the internet for everyone to see? I should be proud of my weight loss but the first picture is bloody awful in the most unflattering nursing bra and granny pants. At this point due to multitasking poorly, I didn't realise the pictures I was looking at were actually connected to my Facebook profile. Nancy finishes feeding so I discard my phone to one side and sit her up and go about by business.
Approximately 10 minutes later I get a phone call from my sister. "hey up, you alright" she says followed by more small talk. After a few exchanges of conversation she chirps in "did you mean to put a picture of yourself on Facebook in your underwear?"
NOOOOOOOOO!!!! MORTIFIED.... AGAIN!!!!!!
I hang up the phone as fast as I can, open the App and there I am. For all 800 odd facebook friends including work colleagues, family, inlaws, parents of my cheer academy, students of my cheer academy, every man and his bloody dog to see... DELETE, DELETE, DELLLLEEETTTTEEEEE!!!!
I call her back, she continues to say it's been there for 8 minutes or so. She thought I knew, it wasn't until she spoke to my other sister about it that they decided, perhaps, just perhaps it wasn't intentional and someone should maybe call me??????
I may as well do the before and after for MacNutrition now as it seems everyone has a screen shot of it anyway... Still crying and dying a little bit on the inside!
3. Facebook stalking.
All girls have a nemesis, regardless of their age, and friends (lesson learnt above) screenshot things and send them to their friends for discussion and analysis. I am sure I have fallen victim to this and being a culprit many times over. Fortunately for me I have never made this error (or so I think) The Facebook Stalk/Friend Request.
It still amazes me how many people have their Facebook as a public setting especially those that have children or work with children. A girl I used to work with had an ongoing feud with another girl I knew, I was a mutual friend, fortunate enough to never get dragged in to their dislike. The girl I used to work with one day said her nemesis had "requested her" as a friend on Facebook. We were both more than aware this was probably not the case, well not on purpose anyway. So I sent a little message, asking if she was aware of the friend request. Similar to my reaction above, she was not. She was also massively pissed off at both being caught stalking and her stupidity. If you're going to stalk people; approach with caution!
4. Unintentional Insta-Love
Again, open profiles. This I have fallen victim too. Having a browse, one insta account accidently/non-accidentally leads to another and before long your on your sisters, friends, brothers, wives, exes, girlfriends profile.
All apple users know that a double tap to the screen with looking at images, emails etc. magnifies things. We also know a double tap on instagram means you "love" said picture. If you are not on top of your A-Game or sleep deprived you can end up getting yourself in to a world of trouble. Or of course if you show your parents something and their eyesight leaves a little to be desired... They help themselves to a cheeky double tap un be known to you and before you know it you are sharing unintentional insta-love.
SOCIAL MEDIA. APPROACH WITH CAUTION. OR BE CAREFUL WHO YOU LET LOOSE WITH YOUR PHONES AND TABLETS!!!!
My 4 year old knows all the passwords to the iPad and iPhones in our house. He knows how to work them with little help or instruction. He can easily go on the iPad, load up Netflix and stick himself a movie on. He managed to find Walking with Dinosaurs with zero help. It's scary.
In recent weeks I have had a few social media faux pars. I am adamant that anyone reading this can relate to at least one of them... if not, are you living under a rock?!
1) Snapchat.
We have nothing to hide in this house, Olly is allowed to play on the iPad - educational games, fun games, learning apps, YouTube and Netflix. He also likes Facetiming family and friends. A few weeks ago I was getting changed on the landing at home. "Mummy, can I just play on blaze please" (Blaze and the Monster Machines, a new educational programme on Nick Junior. Naturally they release an App at the same time which costs a small fortune) "Yes, sit on the bed with it" is my respond. Next, as I am bending forward in the most unflattering position... bum in the air, changing my underwear, I hear the infamous "click" which anyone with an iPhone knows it's the camera button.
Now for his birthday he had a Vtec FunCam almost like a kids Go Pro. Olly is obsessed with taking pictures.
Me "Don't take pictures of mummy whilst she's getting changed Ol"
Olly "I got your bum momma"
Me "Give me the phone, you're not playing with it anymore"
I remove phone from his hands and look at the screen.... MORTIFIED.... IT'S ON SNAPCHAT.
I go to the feed and he has sent the picture. Of my bum. As I am getting changed.
Cue sweaty palm, nervous breathing, cherry head, veins pulsing. Who the bloody hell has he sent the picture to?
Luckily he has sent it to my niece and not posted it as my "Snapchat story" however my niece is 13, hangs around with a large group of girls, all of whom attend my cheerleading academy. Last thing I want is them seeing a picture of my arse and no doubt an unflattering one at that.
Out goes the danger text "MINI... OLLY HAS SENT YOU A SNAPCHAT OF MY BUM. DO NOT OPEN IT IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS!"
Then I wait and pray she reads the text before opening the Snapchat. FML.
2) (accidental) Facebook profile picture update.
This is still a standing joke in my family, my sisters particularly - pair of cow bags. Who ever invented the screen shot needs hanging...
I am 6 months post baby and 12 weeks after Nancy was born I began doing my own "healthy eating" plan before my husband treated me to a Nutritionist and I started Insanity. My nutritionist told me to take a picture in my underwear when I started my plan as my "before" picture. I then took another picture in my underwear when I lost a stone on plan. Then I put the 2 images side by side to check comparisons. Sarah my nutritionist emailed me about a week ago asking if I would go on their website when I reached my goal with a testimonial and a before and after picture. At the time of her email I was breast feeding Nancy and also on Facebook selecting a new profile picture. After reading her email I decided to take a moment to reflect on my pictures. Do I really want to put it on the internet for everyone to see? I should be proud of my weight loss but the first picture is bloody awful in the most unflattering nursing bra and granny pants. At this point due to multitasking poorly, I didn't realise the pictures I was looking at were actually connected to my Facebook profile. Nancy finishes feeding so I discard my phone to one side and sit her up and go about by business.
Approximately 10 minutes later I get a phone call from my sister. "hey up, you alright" she says followed by more small talk. After a few exchanges of conversation she chirps in "did you mean to put a picture of yourself on Facebook in your underwear?"
NOOOOOOOOO!!!! MORTIFIED.... AGAIN!!!!!!
I hang up the phone as fast as I can, open the App and there I am. For all 800 odd facebook friends including work colleagues, family, inlaws, parents of my cheer academy, students of my cheer academy, every man and his bloody dog to see... DELETE, DELETE, DELLLLEEETTTTEEEEE!!!!
I call her back, she continues to say it's been there for 8 minutes or so. She thought I knew, it wasn't until she spoke to my other sister about it that they decided, perhaps, just perhaps it wasn't intentional and someone should maybe call me??????
I may as well do the before and after for MacNutrition now as it seems everyone has a screen shot of it anyway... Still crying and dying a little bit on the inside!
3. Facebook stalking.
All girls have a nemesis, regardless of their age, and friends (lesson learnt above) screenshot things and send them to their friends for discussion and analysis. I am sure I have fallen victim to this and being a culprit many times over. Fortunately for me I have never made this error (or so I think) The Facebook Stalk/Friend Request.
It still amazes me how many people have their Facebook as a public setting especially those that have children or work with children. A girl I used to work with had an ongoing feud with another girl I knew, I was a mutual friend, fortunate enough to never get dragged in to their dislike. The girl I used to work with one day said her nemesis had "requested her" as a friend on Facebook. We were both more than aware this was probably not the case, well not on purpose anyway. So I sent a little message, asking if she was aware of the friend request. Similar to my reaction above, she was not. She was also massively pissed off at both being caught stalking and her stupidity. If you're going to stalk people; approach with caution!
4. Unintentional Insta-Love
Again, open profiles. This I have fallen victim too. Having a browse, one insta account accidently/non-accidentally leads to another and before long your on your sisters, friends, brothers, wives, exes, girlfriends profile.
All apple users know that a double tap to the screen with looking at images, emails etc. magnifies things. We also know a double tap on instagram means you "love" said picture. If you are not on top of your A-Game or sleep deprived you can end up getting yourself in to a world of trouble. Or of course if you show your parents something and their eyesight leaves a little to be desired... They help themselves to a cheeky double tap un be known to you and before you know it you are sharing unintentional insta-love.
SOCIAL MEDIA. APPROACH WITH CAUTION. OR BE CAREFUL WHO YOU LET LOOSE WITH YOUR PHONES AND TABLETS!!!!
Good Luck Lightening McQueen...
The time has come! The dreaded or celebrated (feelings are still to be decided) day arrived. Pre-school was now a distant memory, the first day of the next 7 years was finally here!
Like most parents (dad's - don't try acting all macho, I'm sure there were tears from you too) the journey has been emotional! Tears of joy; tears of sadness. Tears of god damn confusion!
That bloody "Dear Teacher" poem flying around Facebook, yes I was one of those who posted/shared it! I couldn't even get pass the first paragraph without my face resembling Niagara Falls. Truth is, as much as they're little sods that drive you mad, you miss the noise and chaos when they're not there for long periods of time. God help me when it's university time (if he chooses to go)
During the days leading up to school starting, "School" was a taboo subject in our house. I kept having mini hormonal break downs. Ironing the uniform, re-ironing in those pigging name labels. But regardless of how I/We were feeling, it was happening.
Now, Olly's teacher is called Mrs McLean. I however some how read it as McClean. So I had been embedding in Olly how to pronounce her name. Olly still struggles with a few letters, L's being one of them, C is another (his cruel cousins often try to get him to say Hello Kitty. His C's are pronounced as T's... Hello Titty. My poor boy) This in mind and due to my misreading, Olly had began referring to his soon to be teacher as Mrs McQueen which rapidly changed to Lightening McQueen. Imagine my horror, not even started school yet and already prime contender for the cheekiest child... I remember having a Geography teacher at secondary school who was god awful; Miss Meredith. Affectionately referred to as Miss Mega Death by students of all ages. I remember once answering the register as "Yes Miss Mega Death" purely by accident and spent the majority of the lesson stood outside. Was history about to repeat itself?!
The day arrived and the hubs managed to start training late so he could come and drop Olly off. My little bear, all grown up. He looked bloody scrummy! I knew only too well that when I'd collect him at 12pm that this image would be a distant memory, even in such a short time. My child is a muck magnet.
After months of debating and struggling we had managed to get Olly in to a gorgeous village school which is 15-20 minutes drive from our house. We began our journey. We went in 2 cars as Steve had to leave straight for work just after 9am and I was going to stay for the very cute and very thoughtful "Tea and Tissues" event that the school host in the school hall. It's a chance for all the hormonal parents to congregate and share, well, tears over a cup of tea.
We parked our cars at the local village hall and made our way to school. I had a lump in my throat the whole walk. As every parent must ask themselves, where had the past 4 years gone? How did he get so old? How did I get so old? Fighting back the tears we walked along as a family of 4.
As we joined the other parents and new students in the class, we followed instructions, PE kit on coat peg followed by coat, water bottles in tray, wellies in the welly box then self registration. All seemed to be going ok. There were tears from some of the other kiddies but the bear seemed to be taking everything in his stride which made me even more emotional. He didn't need OR want me! And then I saw her...
As in the title of my blog, you couldn't write it. The long lost friend. Who lived in another county. Why was she here? My first thought was, she must be here with friends or family as they lived locally... No. Wait. Light bulb moment. Her little boy is 2 weeks younger than Olly; the same school year. They can't be in the same school. I look across the room at the hubs who flashes me a knowing smirk. Any tears that were welling are gone and I am in shock. An utter state of shock. I see her husband there too. Then her little boy. I'll be god damned. I didn't see them at the induction day. I turn my head back to scan the self registration board and low and behold his name is there.
Let me back track... 2012 saw me lose 2 very close friends... Not death, just from my life. One just estranged herself and I never knew why despite trying to find out. I just had to roll with the punches and follow the saying, if you love them let them go, if they love you they'll find a way back... That one never did.
The other friend is mentioned above. We fell out over business. She was one of my best friends, we had our babies 2 weeks apart and did everything together. Said business folded not long after it started, which is sad to think we lost a fantastic friendship for nothing. We weren't in business together, just a massive conflict of interest. Don't mix friends and business...
After almost 3 years of not seeing each other or speaking, here we were, with our boys, at school, in the same school... TOGETHER!!!
I obviously professed I wouldn't go to the "tea and tissues" morning now, the hubs gave me an imaginary bitch slap and told me to pull myself together. As we left the class room he gave me a prep talk... how had I become the child?! I had only 30 minutes earlier been giving Olly a prep talk in the car! He reminded me that we had chosen a small village school with 16 children in the class. There was every chance the boys were going to be friends, if not directly, there would be birthday parties and events that they would need to be at together. He basically told me to grow up.
So following his words I plodded off to the hall. After small talk with other parents I was finally on my own, feeling anxious. A different anxious to what I expected to feel.
She then came over to speak to me. A whirlwind of surreal-ness. We talked, we laughed, we reminisced. It was good to speak, I gained an ally, someone else who was guaranteed to be late at some point! Her little boy wasn't there at the induction as they were celebrating their wedding overseas. She did know Olly was going to be there though as she'd heard it through a third party (careful who can see your facebook posts, some people who have nothing better to do, spend all day snooping so they can fill their boredom by talking about your business) She said she was going to send a pre-warning text but I'm glad she didn't! Like any scorn person I think I'd have gone with my guard up if I'd have know and we probably wouldn't have had the conversation that we did.
Our friendship has a lot of collateral damage that needs repairing but as someone very close said to me; As a firm believer in fate, there was a reason the boys ended up at school together. Life is too short to hold a grudge...
As Olly embarks on his new adventure and journey, so do I. In more ways than one...
At 12pm I went to collect my boy. True to form he looked like he'd been wrestling with alligators in a pond filled with paint. In only 3 hours he had managed to dirty every piece of clothing possible and scuff his brand new shoes!
He was doing one more half day then all day there after. He loved school and everything about it! And surprise surprise he met a friend. The friend he played with and spent all his time with as a baby, unknown to him.
It's funny how things turn out...
Like most parents (dad's - don't try acting all macho, I'm sure there were tears from you too) the journey has been emotional! Tears of joy; tears of sadness. Tears of god damn confusion!
That bloody "Dear Teacher" poem flying around Facebook, yes I was one of those who posted/shared it! I couldn't even get pass the first paragraph without my face resembling Niagara Falls. Truth is, as much as they're little sods that drive you mad, you miss the noise and chaos when they're not there for long periods of time. God help me when it's university time (if he chooses to go)
During the days leading up to school starting, "School" was a taboo subject in our house. I kept having mini hormonal break downs. Ironing the uniform, re-ironing in those pigging name labels. But regardless of how I/We were feeling, it was happening.
Now, Olly's teacher is called Mrs McLean. I however some how read it as McClean. So I had been embedding in Olly how to pronounce her name. Olly still struggles with a few letters, L's being one of them, C is another (his cruel cousins often try to get him to say Hello Kitty. His C's are pronounced as T's... Hello Titty. My poor boy) This in mind and due to my misreading, Olly had began referring to his soon to be teacher as Mrs McQueen which rapidly changed to Lightening McQueen. Imagine my horror, not even started school yet and already prime contender for the cheekiest child... I remember having a Geography teacher at secondary school who was god awful; Miss Meredith. Affectionately referred to as Miss Mega Death by students of all ages. I remember once answering the register as "Yes Miss Mega Death" purely by accident and spent the majority of the lesson stood outside. Was history about to repeat itself?!
The day arrived and the hubs managed to start training late so he could come and drop Olly off. My little bear, all grown up. He looked bloody scrummy! I knew only too well that when I'd collect him at 12pm that this image would be a distant memory, even in such a short time. My child is a muck magnet.
After months of debating and struggling we had managed to get Olly in to a gorgeous village school which is 15-20 minutes drive from our house. We began our journey. We went in 2 cars as Steve had to leave straight for work just after 9am and I was going to stay for the very cute and very thoughtful "Tea and Tissues" event that the school host in the school hall. It's a chance for all the hormonal parents to congregate and share, well, tears over a cup of tea.
We parked our cars at the local village hall and made our way to school. I had a lump in my throat the whole walk. As every parent must ask themselves, where had the past 4 years gone? How did he get so old? How did I get so old? Fighting back the tears we walked along as a family of 4.
As we joined the other parents and new students in the class, we followed instructions, PE kit on coat peg followed by coat, water bottles in tray, wellies in the welly box then self registration. All seemed to be going ok. There were tears from some of the other kiddies but the bear seemed to be taking everything in his stride which made me even more emotional. He didn't need OR want me! And then I saw her...
As in the title of my blog, you couldn't write it. The long lost friend. Who lived in another county. Why was she here? My first thought was, she must be here with friends or family as they lived locally... No. Wait. Light bulb moment. Her little boy is 2 weeks younger than Olly; the same school year. They can't be in the same school. I look across the room at the hubs who flashes me a knowing smirk. Any tears that were welling are gone and I am in shock. An utter state of shock. I see her husband there too. Then her little boy. I'll be god damned. I didn't see them at the induction day. I turn my head back to scan the self registration board and low and behold his name is there.
Let me back track... 2012 saw me lose 2 very close friends... Not death, just from my life. One just estranged herself and I never knew why despite trying to find out. I just had to roll with the punches and follow the saying, if you love them let them go, if they love you they'll find a way back... That one never did.
The other friend is mentioned above. We fell out over business. She was one of my best friends, we had our babies 2 weeks apart and did everything together. Said business folded not long after it started, which is sad to think we lost a fantastic friendship for nothing. We weren't in business together, just a massive conflict of interest. Don't mix friends and business...
After almost 3 years of not seeing each other or speaking, here we were, with our boys, at school, in the same school... TOGETHER!!!
I obviously professed I wouldn't go to the "tea and tissues" morning now, the hubs gave me an imaginary bitch slap and told me to pull myself together. As we left the class room he gave me a prep talk... how had I become the child?! I had only 30 minutes earlier been giving Olly a prep talk in the car! He reminded me that we had chosen a small village school with 16 children in the class. There was every chance the boys were going to be friends, if not directly, there would be birthday parties and events that they would need to be at together. He basically told me to grow up.
So following his words I plodded off to the hall. After small talk with other parents I was finally on my own, feeling anxious. A different anxious to what I expected to feel.
She then came over to speak to me. A whirlwind of surreal-ness. We talked, we laughed, we reminisced. It was good to speak, I gained an ally, someone else who was guaranteed to be late at some point! Her little boy wasn't there at the induction as they were celebrating their wedding overseas. She did know Olly was going to be there though as she'd heard it through a third party (careful who can see your facebook posts, some people who have nothing better to do, spend all day snooping so they can fill their boredom by talking about your business) She said she was going to send a pre-warning text but I'm glad she didn't! Like any scorn person I think I'd have gone with my guard up if I'd have know and we probably wouldn't have had the conversation that we did.
Our friendship has a lot of collateral damage that needs repairing but as someone very close said to me; As a firm believer in fate, there was a reason the boys ended up at school together. Life is too short to hold a grudge...
As Olly embarks on his new adventure and journey, so do I. In more ways than one...
At 12pm I went to collect my boy. True to form he looked like he'd been wrestling with alligators in a pond filled with paint. In only 3 hours he had managed to dirty every piece of clothing possible and scuff his brand new shoes!
He was doing one more half day then all day there after. He loved school and everything about it! And surprise surprise he met a friend. The friend he played with and spent all his time with as a baby, unknown to him.
It's funny how things turn out...
Friday, 28 August 2015
Are the summer holidays nearly over?
We all love our kids, we really do! But 6 weeks is a bloody long time without a break from each other! I honestly think Olly has had enough of my face and voice. Whilst I've had enough of his selective hearing and mess! Needless to say, I think speaking on behalf of both of us, September 9th is a welcomed date! Flash forward to said date and I will be sat in my car crying a river that my baby bear has grown up and now he spends all his time with another lady. You just can't bloody well win!
Often I see quotes, memes and general spam on Facebook that I share, but this was so apt... This is me EVERYDAY!!!
So I have been very busy of late, doing nothing, I haven't had much time to blog. Some of my Facebook friends maybe shouting "HOORAY" for me it's a sad thing though, writing the debacles of my life is a welcomed break... How times have changed!
Musical beds and teeth!
The last week has been fun and games post midnight in our household, I use the phrase fun and games loosely as quite frankly it's been neither. Olly, the secret ninja has mastered the art of getting from his bed to ours, directly in between the husband and I without either of us realising until we get a foot or arm in the face. The hubby, once his head hits the pillow, falls in to the deepest of sleeps! So much so that previously he has commented how well Nancy has slept through the night when actually she's been up and fed twice. In our room. In our bed. Next it him! I on the other hand can be woken up by either babies taking a deep breath. So the bear getting from his room to ours and in to our bed without any other person (or dog) batting an eyelid blows my mind.
There's a lot of controversy surrounding children being allowed to sleep in their parents bed, whilst I couldn't co-sleep with Nancy, in fear of squashing/suffocating her, Olly at 4 isn't so bad. I don't believe there's a wrong or right answer to the situation. However, rule of thumb we try not to make a habit out of it. One of Steve's old managers once said to him... Don't be too hard on them when they want to get in your bed, they're not little for long. It won't be long before they're too grown up to want a cuddle. Too true.
Unfortunately one night last week the 2 little people and fur baby thought it would be fun to royally take the piss out if the parentals... I feel like I need a stiff drink reliving it!
Nancy is teething and it was a particularly bad night. Crying out. She'd had pain relief, teething gel, teething powders, didn't want nursing, didn't want leaving. One of those
parenting situations where you have exhausted every option possible but no idea what to
do next. After what seemed like 4567633 billion hours she finally settled. Cue Molly going mad to go outside, off goes hubs to let her out. Everyone back in bed... Sleep. In comes the bear, not so quietly. With every intention of spending the rest of the night in our bed he came with Olaf under one arm, his water bottle in his other hand and was babbling about something that had happened during the day.
Knackered, exhausted and quite frankly losing the will to live, I lifted the quilt and welcomed him in. If I was lucky I'd get about 4 hours sleep at this stage. He's off to sleep in a jiffy, so are us adults. Nice comfy bed, loving sleep... BAM hand straight in my face. Then I hear Steve... Foot in his back. So hubs (with difficulty due to Olly's mega long limbs) carries the boy back to his room. 40 minutes later he's back. Hubs returns him again.. Back he comes. Nancy wakes. Hubby admits defeat and gets in the boys bed. The boy is in our bed with me. Worst night ever.
5 days later the little lady cuts her first tooth at 5 and a half months and normality (fingers crossed) has resumed.
Supermarket Hell.
Parent & child parking. What are the limits? Does 13 and 14 years old constitute as a child? Do I count for a child at 31 years old if I'm with my mum? After all, I am her child. Or does it count for lazy twats that can't be arsed to walk a few extra feet?! As you see it's a sensitive subject for me. It fumes me to see people without kids parking in them. Shame on the parents that park in the spaces too when they are childless but have a car seat in the car.
Under normal circumstance, I don't mind parking away from the entrance and walking but when I have 2 children and it's raining I DO!!!! When you have 2 little ones you can't run to dodge the rain resulting in upset, wet soggy kiddies and a pissed off momma.
I hate shopping at the best of times but it's even more painful with 2 kids in tow and a little bit worse when it's pissing it down and you can't get a space. 1 wet momma and 2
soggy bottomed sproglets hit sainsburys.
I know I have a short window of tme to do what I need to do before chaos and madness kicks in. It's a cross between challenge Anneka and supermarket sweep (google it kids!)
Just as I think I've made it, we get to the check out. Whilst unloading, I find a quarter of the trolleys contents have not been put in by me, in fact it seems Olly had a list of his own. Nancy right on cue starts arching her back and banging her head against the seat. SWEATY UPPER LIP ALERT!!!! She starts wailing this high pitched screech, as I'm going ten to the dozen trying to pack my bags (even the cashier is helping, I think we may have perforated her ear drums) Olly the problem solver puts his hand over her mouth! What must these people be thinking. Everyone is staring. As soon as I've paid and loaded the trolley, I get her out and silence. The tears and screaming stops instantly.
Note to ones self, if you ever find yourself in a situation you don't like, scream, cry and wail until the situation changes.
(Un)Sticky situation.
As our summer sunny days are becoming numbered, I took the plunge and bought all Olly's school uniform down to wash, put on the line and iron ready for September 9th. Starting with iron in labels. Seriously, how hard can it been? Answer... Ridiculously hard.
I ordered 50 personalised labels with a little dinosaur on. I thought 50 was excessive, but that was the smallest amount. I now understand why.
Firstly, the buggars don't stay still. I lined one up on his sweater, following the instructions I covered with a tea towel and pressed. It went on horizontal, when I removed the tea towel it was on a frigging diagonal. Everyone who knows me, knows I have OCD tendencies on the appearance and presentation of my handy work when being observed by others!
I continued hoping I would improve. 2 sweaters, 4 polo shirts, 2 pair of tailored shorts, 2 pair of tailored trousers, 2 PE shorts, 2 PE tees, a pair of jogging bottoms and a hoody. Once all complete in their own unique, wonky way I washed them (as instructed)
As I got the first load out the wash (colours) I find said labels stuck to the washer drum. Clearly I've done something wrong. Good job I have spare labels.
As I empty the second load.., more of the pigging things. I like to consider myself a fairly intelligent person, but seriously... Iron on labels, what's the deal?
I have attempted round two. Failing that, I have stocked up on sharpies!!! I seriously have to up my "school mum" game...
Often I see quotes, memes and general spam on Facebook that I share, but this was so apt... This is me EVERYDAY!!!
So I have been very busy of late, doing nothing, I haven't had much time to blog. Some of my Facebook friends maybe shouting "HOORAY" for me it's a sad thing though, writing the debacles of my life is a welcomed break... How times have changed!
Musical beds and teeth!
The last week has been fun and games post midnight in our household, I use the phrase fun and games loosely as quite frankly it's been neither. Olly, the secret ninja has mastered the art of getting from his bed to ours, directly in between the husband and I without either of us realising until we get a foot or arm in the face. The hubby, once his head hits the pillow, falls in to the deepest of sleeps! So much so that previously he has commented how well Nancy has slept through the night when actually she's been up and fed twice. In our room. In our bed. Next it him! I on the other hand can be woken up by either babies taking a deep breath. So the bear getting from his room to ours and in to our bed without any other person (or dog) batting an eyelid blows my mind.
There's a lot of controversy surrounding children being allowed to sleep in their parents bed, whilst I couldn't co-sleep with Nancy, in fear of squashing/suffocating her, Olly at 4 isn't so bad. I don't believe there's a wrong or right answer to the situation. However, rule of thumb we try not to make a habit out of it. One of Steve's old managers once said to him... Don't be too hard on them when they want to get in your bed, they're not little for long. It won't be long before they're too grown up to want a cuddle. Too true.
Unfortunately one night last week the 2 little people and fur baby thought it would be fun to royally take the piss out if the parentals... I feel like I need a stiff drink reliving it!
Nancy is teething and it was a particularly bad night. Crying out. She'd had pain relief, teething gel, teething powders, didn't want nursing, didn't want leaving. One of those
parenting situations where you have exhausted every option possible but no idea what to
do next. After what seemed like 4567633 billion hours she finally settled. Cue Molly going mad to go outside, off goes hubs to let her out. Everyone back in bed... Sleep. In comes the bear, not so quietly. With every intention of spending the rest of the night in our bed he came with Olaf under one arm, his water bottle in his other hand and was babbling about something that had happened during the day.
Knackered, exhausted and quite frankly losing the will to live, I lifted the quilt and welcomed him in. If I was lucky I'd get about 4 hours sleep at this stage. He's off to sleep in a jiffy, so are us adults. Nice comfy bed, loving sleep... BAM hand straight in my face. Then I hear Steve... Foot in his back. So hubs (with difficulty due to Olly's mega long limbs) carries the boy back to his room. 40 minutes later he's back. Hubs returns him again.. Back he comes. Nancy wakes. Hubby admits defeat and gets in the boys bed. The boy is in our bed with me. Worst night ever.
5 days later the little lady cuts her first tooth at 5 and a half months and normality (fingers crossed) has resumed.
Supermarket Hell.
Parent & child parking. What are the limits? Does 13 and 14 years old constitute as a child? Do I count for a child at 31 years old if I'm with my mum? After all, I am her child. Or does it count for lazy twats that can't be arsed to walk a few extra feet?! As you see it's a sensitive subject for me. It fumes me to see people without kids parking in them. Shame on the parents that park in the spaces too when they are childless but have a car seat in the car.
Under normal circumstance, I don't mind parking away from the entrance and walking but when I have 2 children and it's raining I DO!!!! When you have 2 little ones you can't run to dodge the rain resulting in upset, wet soggy kiddies and a pissed off momma.
I hate shopping at the best of times but it's even more painful with 2 kids in tow and a little bit worse when it's pissing it down and you can't get a space. 1 wet momma and 2
soggy bottomed sproglets hit sainsburys.
I know I have a short window of tme to do what I need to do before chaos and madness kicks in. It's a cross between challenge Anneka and supermarket sweep (google it kids!)
Just as I think I've made it, we get to the check out. Whilst unloading, I find a quarter of the trolleys contents have not been put in by me, in fact it seems Olly had a list of his own. Nancy right on cue starts arching her back and banging her head against the seat. SWEATY UPPER LIP ALERT!!!! She starts wailing this high pitched screech, as I'm going ten to the dozen trying to pack my bags (even the cashier is helping, I think we may have perforated her ear drums) Olly the problem solver puts his hand over her mouth! What must these people be thinking. Everyone is staring. As soon as I've paid and loaded the trolley, I get her out and silence. The tears and screaming stops instantly.
Note to ones self, if you ever find yourself in a situation you don't like, scream, cry and wail until the situation changes.
(Un)Sticky situation.
As our summer sunny days are becoming numbered, I took the plunge and bought all Olly's school uniform down to wash, put on the line and iron ready for September 9th. Starting with iron in labels. Seriously, how hard can it been? Answer... Ridiculously hard.
I ordered 50 personalised labels with a little dinosaur on. I thought 50 was excessive, but that was the smallest amount. I now understand why.
Firstly, the buggars don't stay still. I lined one up on his sweater, following the instructions I covered with a tea towel and pressed. It went on horizontal, when I removed the tea towel it was on a frigging diagonal. Everyone who knows me, knows I have OCD tendencies on the appearance and presentation of my handy work when being observed by others!
I continued hoping I would improve. 2 sweaters, 4 polo shirts, 2 pair of tailored shorts, 2 pair of tailored trousers, 2 PE shorts, 2 PE tees, a pair of jogging bottoms and a hoody. Once all complete in their own unique, wonky way I washed them (as instructed)
As I got the first load out the wash (colours) I find said labels stuck to the washer drum. Clearly I've done something wrong. Good job I have spare labels.
As I empty the second load.., more of the pigging things. I like to consider myself a fairly intelligent person, but seriously... Iron on labels, what's the deal?
I have attempted round two. Failing that, I have stocked up on sharpies!!! I seriously have to up my "school mum" game...
Monday, 17 August 2015
OLLY. MY BABY BEAR. MY BEST BOY IS 4!
Saturday night. The children are asleep. The husband is watching Sky Sports news. I am however wrapping presents, hanging banners and blowing up balloons.
His playroom (my former dining room) is decorated, we've kept back some of his presents as his daddy has training Sunday morning and as he's signed up for the Leicester marathon in October he is also running almost every day. Therefore he'd left the house before anyone had woke up. They're to be opened when he's back!
Despite over a week of talking about it dragging it out and it being the last thing spoken about before bed last night, the boy us clueless! He has woken up with NO IDEA it's his birthday!!!
As he enters the playroom enroute to the kitchen the penny drops! Calm to chaos in 0.5 seconds!
Presents opened, wrapping paper everywhere, nancy flying around in her jumperoo and balloons bouncing around, my house looks like Jurassic World the second.
Breakfast is consumed at speed, we get dressed and head for Nottingham! As a birthday treat and to pass by time I decided to take Olly along with my sister, mum and his cousins to Planet Bounce an indoor trampoline park in Nottingham that had just opened! I was up against the clock. The sessions run hourly so we needed to be in and parked up by 10:50am. Everyone by now has some idea about my timekeeping however We managed it.... In my head the fanfare is playing, major achievement and massive personal mum points scored!! That is until we find out we had to arrive 30 minutes early to fill all the paper work in and watch the safety video.... There's always someone ready to piss on your parade! LOLZ.
So we had 40 minutes to kill until the next session! I, never one to miss out, signed up to go in too! Sports bra at the ready, nike compression leggings on! I was a force to be reckoned with!
We're all stood queuing up to be let in, excited united! And 12pm strikes, whistle is blown... 11am session out, 12pm session in...
We all go running in... Think the original Charlie and the chocolate factory when Gene Wilder opens the door to the factory and no one knows where to go first... That's us! Initially sticking together we head for the air cushion (new and improved sponge pit) I let all the kids go first, then me.... Splat. As I try to get off this air cushion, I can't. I'm the big fat, 5 months post pregnancy momma that can't climb off... Cringin'ell! As the queue gets bigger my face gets redder... They can't go til I move my lard arse! My 16 year old niece comes to my rescue! Helping hand offered - thanks Ash!
I'm soon aware that half a dozen insanity classes haven't turned me into Wonder Woman... Yet!
Olly is having absolute blast! As are all the kids! Dodgeball, freeplay, tumble tracks... They are spoilt for choice!
We get braver & I even attempt a somersault in to the air cushion! Olly has been everywhere before returning to the air pocket, he takes a running dive and almost like sinking sand, he sinks deeper in to the cushion. Mini, my 13 year old niece offers to help. Except she's then sinking too, it's that point as a parent you know you should intervene but remember your sinking experience just 30 mins before! Luckily super Ashleigh to the rescue again pulling them out. At this point Olly and Mini are in fits of uncontrollable laughter.
The hour flies by and within 10 mins if being in the car Olly is asleep!
We get back home, the husbands back from training, more presents opened, lunch eaten and we brave Staunton Harold again! We have a safe, uneventful trip and make our way to collect presents from the grandparents.
My parents bought the best present, science and play dinosaur fossil blocks. With a chisel and hammer you have to dig for dinosaur bones in a plaster block that then form a skeleton. It is now I'm realising, everyone (pre-Olly/Nancy) that I pissed off with annoying presents for their children etc are getting their own back with messy, loud, annoying presents. Karma; what a bitch!
Great present nanny and grandad but the mess created is highly unwelcomed by this undomesticated, unconventional housewife...
Happy 4th birthday Olly. You may be a naughty little ratbag, but your my naughty little ratbag. Love you the whole world babba bear xxxx
His playroom (my former dining room) is decorated, we've kept back some of his presents as his daddy has training Sunday morning and as he's signed up for the Leicester marathon in October he is also running almost every day. Therefore he'd left the house before anyone had woke up. They're to be opened when he's back!
Despite over a week of talking about it dragging it out and it being the last thing spoken about before bed last night, the boy us clueless! He has woken up with NO IDEA it's his birthday!!!
As he enters the playroom enroute to the kitchen the penny drops! Calm to chaos in 0.5 seconds!
Presents opened, wrapping paper everywhere, nancy flying around in her jumperoo and balloons bouncing around, my house looks like Jurassic World the second.
Breakfast is consumed at speed, we get dressed and head for Nottingham! As a birthday treat and to pass by time I decided to take Olly along with my sister, mum and his cousins to Planet Bounce an indoor trampoline park in Nottingham that had just opened! I was up against the clock. The sessions run hourly so we needed to be in and parked up by 10:50am. Everyone by now has some idea about my timekeeping however We managed it.... In my head the fanfare is playing, major achievement and massive personal mum points scored!! That is until we find out we had to arrive 30 minutes early to fill all the paper work in and watch the safety video.... There's always someone ready to piss on your parade! LOLZ.
So we had 40 minutes to kill until the next session! I, never one to miss out, signed up to go in too! Sports bra at the ready, nike compression leggings on! I was a force to be reckoned with!
We're all stood queuing up to be let in, excited united! And 12pm strikes, whistle is blown... 11am session out, 12pm session in...
We all go running in... Think the original Charlie and the chocolate factory when Gene Wilder opens the door to the factory and no one knows where to go first... That's us! Initially sticking together we head for the air cushion (new and improved sponge pit) I let all the kids go first, then me.... Splat. As I try to get off this air cushion, I can't. I'm the big fat, 5 months post pregnancy momma that can't climb off... Cringin'ell! As the queue gets bigger my face gets redder... They can't go til I move my lard arse! My 16 year old niece comes to my rescue! Helping hand offered - thanks Ash!
I'm soon aware that half a dozen insanity classes haven't turned me into Wonder Woman... Yet!
Olly is having absolute blast! As are all the kids! Dodgeball, freeplay, tumble tracks... They are spoilt for choice!
We get braver & I even attempt a somersault in to the air cushion! Olly has been everywhere before returning to the air pocket, he takes a running dive and almost like sinking sand, he sinks deeper in to the cushion. Mini, my 13 year old niece offers to help. Except she's then sinking too, it's that point as a parent you know you should intervene but remember your sinking experience just 30 mins before! Luckily super Ashleigh to the rescue again pulling them out. At this point Olly and Mini are in fits of uncontrollable laughter.
The hour flies by and within 10 mins if being in the car Olly is asleep!
We get back home, the husbands back from training, more presents opened, lunch eaten and we brave Staunton Harold again! We have a safe, uneventful trip and make our way to collect presents from the grandparents.
My parents bought the best present, science and play dinosaur fossil blocks. With a chisel and hammer you have to dig for dinosaur bones in a plaster block that then form a skeleton. It is now I'm realising, everyone (pre-Olly/Nancy) that I pissed off with annoying presents for their children etc are getting their own back with messy, loud, annoying presents. Karma; what a bitch!
Great present nanny and grandad but the mess created is highly unwelcomed by this undomesticated, unconventional housewife...
Happy 4th birthday Olly. You may be a naughty little ratbag, but your my naughty little ratbag. Love you the whole world babba bear xxxx
The lost week... Part 1
I'm back... After just over a week of non-blogging here I am! I have been bowled over by the response and requests of people asking when my next post would be... Unfortunately I've been snowed under by a little think called life! I'd love to give a day by day rundown of all the exciting things that have been responsible for me not writing but I'm afraid there aren't many! All the days/week just seem to have blended in to one!
This weekend the husband even said to me "you haven't blogged in a while" see, I knew he secretly had a read when he was at work! "I know" I replied "I just haven't had time" "Why? What have you been doing?" Was his response "You've not done anything" RED MIST!!!!!
I pause for a moment, studying his face, is there a secret smirk? Is he dangling the bait, waiting for me to bite? Nope, deadly, serious face. I take a breath and refuse to retaliate. Of course in my head I'm ready throat punch him! Men; seriously clueless... Most of the time! On "dad's day off" there is only ever playing and fun consumed! Never mind any household jobs, trips to town, food shop etc...
So, in a bid to discover where the "Lost week" has gone I'm going to have a trip down Memory Lane! Of course there will be eventful discoveries on he way as there always is!
The bears birthday weekend! As if my mum and I weren't big enough suckers for punishment with idyllic country walks combined with my brood, we signed up for yet another. This time it was the day before Olly's birthday, the destination of choice was Elvaston Castle! We are so lucky to have such beautiful surroundings close by, Derbyshire is completely under rated!
On arrival we park near the ice cream van, first error. How do children know if they ask you the same question (in this case, can I have a ice cream?) 568975324 billion times, that you're just going to give in to shut them up, save your sanity and everyone else in a 5 mile radius' ears. The ice cream van at Elvaston Castle has gone up in the world. Your £1.20 "99's" are a thing of the past, I think I was set back £2.60 for posh waffle cone, 2 flavoured ice cream and a flake, which I'm sure wasn't even Cadburys!!! The positive - at this stage his hands were clean!
So we meandered through, Molly was allowed off her lead. At almost 8 years old and after spending her first 4 years as a selective hearing, delinquent pup, she is now actually pretty good off her lead. She's soft as grease and from a distance looks like a child's teddy! She's having a sniff around, returns on demand, until she see's a squirrel. A little like Doug in the Disney film Up, Molly's weaknesses are birds and squirrels. After a few minutes of coaxing we manage to get her away from the tree where the squirrel is taunting her. Strutting along the branch like its hit up London Fashion Week. Olly is by now covered from nose to chin, cheek to cheek in ice cream. 15 minutes in and I'm getting ready for home. As we proceed towards the castle, we reach the large pond where all ducks and swans are. Families are enjoying the nice weather, feeding the birds until Molly bounds towards them (ducks = weakness) all we hear are squawks, flutters and water plus a few gasps. Molly single handily has cleared the pond area.
Back on the lead she goes! As we arrive to the back of the castle we have a quick re-group. Olly's face cleaned, Molly has a drink of water, I rest my legs as mum does too she manages to sit in the only spot of melted ice cream on the whole 5-6m long bench. She's totally unimpressed. Olly and I are howling with laughter which fuels her rage a little bit more.
We shift round the rest of the park at speed, Olly obviously needs a wee as we get towards the car. So we find a bush, and he is at one with nature. As we make our way back to the path, I get caught by a stinging nettle on the foot....
Home now... HOME HOME HOME!!!!!
This weekend the husband even said to me "you haven't blogged in a while" see, I knew he secretly had a read when he was at work! "I know" I replied "I just haven't had time" "Why? What have you been doing?" Was his response "You've not done anything" RED MIST!!!!!
I pause for a moment, studying his face, is there a secret smirk? Is he dangling the bait, waiting for me to bite? Nope, deadly, serious face. I take a breath and refuse to retaliate. Of course in my head I'm ready throat punch him! Men; seriously clueless... Most of the time! On "dad's day off" there is only ever playing and fun consumed! Never mind any household jobs, trips to town, food shop etc...
So, in a bid to discover where the "Lost week" has gone I'm going to have a trip down Memory Lane! Of course there will be eventful discoveries on he way as there always is!
The bears birthday weekend! As if my mum and I weren't big enough suckers for punishment with idyllic country walks combined with my brood, we signed up for yet another. This time it was the day before Olly's birthday, the destination of choice was Elvaston Castle! We are so lucky to have such beautiful surroundings close by, Derbyshire is completely under rated!
On arrival we park near the ice cream van, first error. How do children know if they ask you the same question (in this case, can I have a ice cream?) 568975324 billion times, that you're just going to give in to shut them up, save your sanity and everyone else in a 5 mile radius' ears. The ice cream van at Elvaston Castle has gone up in the world. Your £1.20 "99's" are a thing of the past, I think I was set back £2.60 for posh waffle cone, 2 flavoured ice cream and a flake, which I'm sure wasn't even Cadburys!!! The positive - at this stage his hands were clean!
So we meandered through, Molly was allowed off her lead. At almost 8 years old and after spending her first 4 years as a selective hearing, delinquent pup, she is now actually pretty good off her lead. She's soft as grease and from a distance looks like a child's teddy! She's having a sniff around, returns on demand, until she see's a squirrel. A little like Doug in the Disney film Up, Molly's weaknesses are birds and squirrels. After a few minutes of coaxing we manage to get her away from the tree where the squirrel is taunting her. Strutting along the branch like its hit up London Fashion Week. Olly is by now covered from nose to chin, cheek to cheek in ice cream. 15 minutes in and I'm getting ready for home. As we proceed towards the castle, we reach the large pond where all ducks and swans are. Families are enjoying the nice weather, feeding the birds until Molly bounds towards them (ducks = weakness) all we hear are squawks, flutters and water plus a few gasps. Molly single handily has cleared the pond area.
Back on the lead she goes! As we arrive to the back of the castle we have a quick re-group. Olly's face cleaned, Molly has a drink of water, I rest my legs as mum does too she manages to sit in the only spot of melted ice cream on the whole 5-6m long bench. She's totally unimpressed. Olly and I are howling with laughter which fuels her rage a little bit more.
We shift round the rest of the park at speed, Olly obviously needs a wee as we get towards the car. So we find a bush, and he is at one with nature. As we make our way back to the path, I get caught by a stinging nettle on the foot....
Home now... HOME HOME HOME!!!!!
Friday, 7 August 2015
August = 4, September = school
On Sunday my little bear turns 4! This birthday is majorly being dragged out. With the football season starting this weekend, we did his party exactly a week early so my husband could be there. However, since last Sunday, whatever we've done or wherever we've been has been "for my birthday" according to my first born.
Since he was born, I have been anxious about him going to school... He'll only be 4 and 3 weeks when he starts. I almost felt cheated out of a year that other parents have had! For the past year there's been occasions where I've been stopped in town and asked if he's on an inset day. No, he's 3, he just looks like he's 6!!!!
I panicked about how he'd settle, how he'd cope with the change, how he'd behave. We had quite the ordeal when applying for schools, we wanted him to attend a small village school where he attended the feeder playgroup. Unfortunately, as we are out of catchment, we didn't get in. All set for an appeal, we had a stressful home full of tension for weeks. Finally after I spent weeks crying a river, 4 days before our appeal, we found an alternate school! Just in time for their induction morning!
On the day of the induction morning, my child, who is not a morning person in the slightest (gets that from me) point blank refused to get up, get dressed, have a wash and have his wild barnet tamed. I was blowing steam out of my arse!!! The one day I needed cooperation he decides he'd rather be a little bugger and do the opposite of everything I asked.
Project impossible was not going to defeat me, feeling like I was wrestling a crocodile, I took him on and with great difficulty (as he's a lot stronger than he looks) I won! All ready to go, we got in the car and headed on our 15 minute drive. He was a grumpy little toad all the way there, his mood didn't improve in the car. As I mentioned in another post, my time keeping or rather lack of it leaves a little to be desired! We arrive bang on time, but then have the pram to assemble and a couple of minutes walk to get to the school. Of course, grumpy storms towards the school, arms folded under his chin in a major strop like the threenager that he is. As he charges on he trips, falls and grazes his arm. Not even 9:30am and I'm ready to stick my head in an oven!
I brush him down, give him a squeeze and a kiss, grab his hand and we proceed. When we arrive they've already taken their class photo, Olly won't let go of my leg, the heads trying to crack on with the parents meeting and I'm getting a severe sweat on.
Just for once in my life, I'd love something important to go smoothly, I couldn't even walk down the aisle after getting married without falling over! Everyone has that one friend that everything happens to, that's me! I am that friend.
I leave him with his new teacher and pray for the best (seemed appropriate with it being a church school!) The parents meeting finished early so we're allowed to spy on our off springs. Of course everyone's is playing clean and nicely. Not mine, shoes and socks off, outside, upto his elbow in mud in the mud kitchen. Running flying jump in to the sandpit, charging around,. Smetimes ignorance is bliss, so I head to buy uniform. The other parents are dithering over whether a 3-4 years will be ok,. Me? I go straight for the age 5-6 and explain I may even need to swap it for the 7-8 cause they don't look very big!
I make my way towards the classroom to see how he's getting on. When I look in I can't see him anywhere. Panic sets in, has be planned an escape?... Nope, he's just gone to the toilet. How do I know you ask? Did his teacher tell me? No. I find out when he leaves the class bathroom with just his boxers on cause his trousers were "getting in the way" at this point I realise he's going to be fine, this boy will not be shy, won't get nervous, he's prancing around his class in his under crackers for gods sake only 2 hours after meeting these people!
I just hope school is ready for him...
Since he was born, I have been anxious about him going to school... He'll only be 4 and 3 weeks when he starts. I almost felt cheated out of a year that other parents have had! For the past year there's been occasions where I've been stopped in town and asked if he's on an inset day. No, he's 3, he just looks like he's 6!!!!
I panicked about how he'd settle, how he'd cope with the change, how he'd behave. We had quite the ordeal when applying for schools, we wanted him to attend a small village school where he attended the feeder playgroup. Unfortunately, as we are out of catchment, we didn't get in. All set for an appeal, we had a stressful home full of tension for weeks. Finally after I spent weeks crying a river, 4 days before our appeal, we found an alternate school! Just in time for their induction morning!
On the day of the induction morning, my child, who is not a morning person in the slightest (gets that from me) point blank refused to get up, get dressed, have a wash and have his wild barnet tamed. I was blowing steam out of my arse!!! The one day I needed cooperation he decides he'd rather be a little bugger and do the opposite of everything I asked.
Project impossible was not going to defeat me, feeling like I was wrestling a crocodile, I took him on and with great difficulty (as he's a lot stronger than he looks) I won! All ready to go, we got in the car and headed on our 15 minute drive. He was a grumpy little toad all the way there, his mood didn't improve in the car. As I mentioned in another post, my time keeping or rather lack of it leaves a little to be desired! We arrive bang on time, but then have the pram to assemble and a couple of minutes walk to get to the school. Of course, grumpy storms towards the school, arms folded under his chin in a major strop like the threenager that he is. As he charges on he trips, falls and grazes his arm. Not even 9:30am and I'm ready to stick my head in an oven!
I brush him down, give him a squeeze and a kiss, grab his hand and we proceed. When we arrive they've already taken their class photo, Olly won't let go of my leg, the heads trying to crack on with the parents meeting and I'm getting a severe sweat on.
Just for once in my life, I'd love something important to go smoothly, I couldn't even walk down the aisle after getting married without falling over! Everyone has that one friend that everything happens to, that's me! I am that friend.
I leave him with his new teacher and pray for the best (seemed appropriate with it being a church school!) The parents meeting finished early so we're allowed to spy on our off springs. Of course everyone's is playing clean and nicely. Not mine, shoes and socks off, outside, upto his elbow in mud in the mud kitchen. Running flying jump in to the sandpit, charging around,. Smetimes ignorance is bliss, so I head to buy uniform. The other parents are dithering over whether a 3-4 years will be ok,. Me? I go straight for the age 5-6 and explain I may even need to swap it for the 7-8 cause they don't look very big!
I make my way towards the classroom to see how he's getting on. When I look in I can't see him anywhere. Panic sets in, has be planned an escape?... Nope, he's just gone to the toilet. How do I know you ask? Did his teacher tell me? No. I find out when he leaves the class bathroom with just his boxers on cause his trousers were "getting in the way" at this point I realise he's going to be fine, this boy will not be shy, won't get nervous, he's prancing around his class in his under crackers for gods sake only 2 hours after meeting these people!
I just hope school is ready for him...
Thursday, 6 August 2015
How now Frau Brow?!
Guess what's back? Back again? ONLY THE RUDDY BROWS!!!!!!
I'm happier than a pig in.... Need I say any more? Whilst trying to do the bath production line this morning, beepity beep went mobilly. I thought it would be my mums daily "everything ok?" message, I think she sends that to make sure I've not stuck Olly in a straight jacket! But no, sister number 1, Lisa, has come to the rescue!
A birds egg custard is a small price to pay! I suspect some maybe wondering why she has a costly, unused MAC brow brush? Truth be told, we went to NYC for Thanksgiving in November 2012 - who doesn't love a bit of Black Friday retail therapy?!?! We both splurged on some MAC brushes amongst other products. This brush in her collection remained surplus to requirement until now!
Normality can finally resume...
I'm happier than a pig in.... Need I say any more? Whilst trying to do the bath production line this morning, beepity beep went mobilly. I thought it would be my mums daily "everything ok?" message, I think she sends that to make sure I've not stuck Olly in a straight jacket! But no, sister number 1, Lisa, has come to the rescue!
A birds egg custard is a small price to pay! I suspect some maybe wondering why she has a costly, unused MAC brow brush? Truth be told, we went to NYC for Thanksgiving in November 2012 - who doesn't love a bit of Black Friday retail therapy?!?! We both splurged on some MAC brushes amongst other products. This brush in her collection remained surplus to requirement until now!
Normality can finally resume...
The struggle is real (part 2)
Last night after returning from insanity my phone was going wild... The struggle just got harder, Krispy Kreme are only ruddy well opening a stall in the Derby Westfield or Intu as it's called now! Great. If my retail therapy addition wasn't enough reason to avoid town, this now is!
All night I dreamt about Reese's doughnuts. To make matters worse, when the bed thief (Olly) woke up this morning he wanted the TV on in our room! Of course like any awkward child would, he wanted to watch something that wasn't on any of the available channels so I flicked through the sky plus. Between trying to find an episode of Wally bloody Kazam and attend to a now woken and starving baby, the 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show ended up on! KILL ME NOW!!!! I know I'm too late for #WCW (Woman Crush Wednesday) Major girl crush/body & face envy all round. These girls are hot Momma's! And I can say that with reason as some of them ARE mums! Bet they're the Queen MILF's on their kids playgrounds!!!! LOLZ!!
So part 2 of my struggle. Food. I love food. I think about what I'm going to have for my next meal before I've finished the one I'm eating. (Head in hands)
Last year I was going to Ibiza for one of my best friends hen weekend, I didn't want to be the "fat friend" I wanted to wear a bikini, feel confident enough to do so and not have to rely on alcohol! My husband did me a plan (it's part of his job) and from January-May I lost what I wanted, coincidently bought myself a Victoria Secrets bikini and partied hard at the Ocean Beach Club Champagne Spray opening party!
I gained a staggering 3.5 stone whilst pregnant with Nancy. The scary part is I lost weight in the first 20 weeks cause I was is ill, you couldn't even tell I was pregnant until 22 weeks. But the next 18+3 made up for it. She was a 9lb baby born! Between having her, breast feeding and relatively healthy eating I managed to shift 1.5 stone before having a break down.
My husband, ever the romantic, did what I had to do! Having no experience with breast feeding and dietary requirements, he got me a nutritionist! Who said romance was dead?!? I gest.... It really was the best present he could have got me!
I had my appointment with Sarah Duffield from MacNutrition they're kind of a big deal in their field of work. Sarah has set me a plan which allows me to lose weight yet maintain the calories I need to keep breast feeding Noodles! So far I'm 13lbs down. The last 2 weeks I have fallen off the plan wagon but as of this week I am back on it!!!!!
Now I'm going to try and avoid depressing weight posts from now, they'll lose me readers for sure!!! I will however keep you mildly posted on my progress and IF it's a massive IF I get the confidence, I'll post some before and after shots!
All night I dreamt about Reese's doughnuts. To make matters worse, when the bed thief (Olly) woke up this morning he wanted the TV on in our room! Of course like any awkward child would, he wanted to watch something that wasn't on any of the available channels so I flicked through the sky plus. Between trying to find an episode of Wally bloody Kazam and attend to a now woken and starving baby, the 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show ended up on! KILL ME NOW!!!! I know I'm too late for #WCW (Woman Crush Wednesday) Major girl crush/body & face envy all round. These girls are hot Momma's! And I can say that with reason as some of them ARE mums! Bet they're the Queen MILF's on their kids playgrounds!!!! LOLZ!!
So part 2 of my struggle. Food. I love food. I think about what I'm going to have for my next meal before I've finished the one I'm eating. (Head in hands)
Last year I was going to Ibiza for one of my best friends hen weekend, I didn't want to be the "fat friend" I wanted to wear a bikini, feel confident enough to do so and not have to rely on alcohol! My husband did me a plan (it's part of his job) and from January-May I lost what I wanted, coincidently bought myself a Victoria Secrets bikini and partied hard at the Ocean Beach Club Champagne Spray opening party!
I gained a staggering 3.5 stone whilst pregnant with Nancy. The scary part is I lost weight in the first 20 weeks cause I was is ill, you couldn't even tell I was pregnant until 22 weeks. But the next 18+3 made up for it. She was a 9lb baby born! Between having her, breast feeding and relatively healthy eating I managed to shift 1.5 stone before having a break down.
My husband, ever the romantic, did what I had to do! Having no experience with breast feeding and dietary requirements, he got me a nutritionist! Who said romance was dead?!? I gest.... It really was the best present he could have got me!
I had my appointment with Sarah Duffield from MacNutrition they're kind of a big deal in their field of work. Sarah has set me a plan which allows me to lose weight yet maintain the calories I need to keep breast feeding Noodles! So far I'm 13lbs down. The last 2 weeks I have fallen off the plan wagon but as of this week I am back on it!!!!!
Now I'm going to try and avoid depressing weight posts from now, they'll lose me readers for sure!!! I will however keep you mildly posted on my progress and IF it's a massive IF I get the confidence, I'll post some before and after shots!
Wednesday, 5 August 2015
Eyebrow update...
Just a quick update for those showing concern...
I'm still eyebrow free. Today I tried to hide the lack of them with glasses instead of contact lenses. FAIL.
So I went make up free. If you're going to look a twat, you may as well give it your all.
After all, I am an all or nothing kind of girl.
Lisa if you're reading, my desperation is at breaking point, can you get of your rump and please find me the beautiful MAC brow brush you don't use! Thanks in advance!!!
I'm still eyebrow free. Today I tried to hide the lack of them with glasses instead of contact lenses. FAIL.
So I went make up free. If you're going to look a twat, you may as well give it your all.
After all, I am an all or nothing kind of girl.
Lisa if you're reading, my desperation is at breaking point, can you get of your rump and please find me the beautiful MAC brow brush you don't use! Thanks in advance!!!
The struggle is real (part 1)
If the saying "sweat is your fat crying" then my fat must be having a full on Nikki Grahame style tantrum (if you're that one in a billion person that doesn't know who she is, watch this clip) please note bad language throughout... Sorry!
One of my best friends, Nikki (not of the Grahame variety) began Insanity classes this time last year along with her sister in law. I was suffering with all day sickness and nausea at this time as I was about 8/9 weeks pregnant! As I got fatter, Gemma and Nikki were getting fitter.
My obsessive social media disorder kicked in and I started following Insane Fitness with Victoria Sutton on Facebook and Instagram. With good intentions I committed to Nikki and myself that I would sign up for these classes post babies.
As I suffered badly during my pregnancy with Nancy I had to wait around 12 weeks before I started exercising as the pain was still there in my left hip/groin. I guess it wasn't my wisest idea to sign up for the Color Obstacle Run or attempt to do it 2 weeks after this with no training... But that's another story for another time!
Back to insanity.... It soon became apparent that getting a space in these classes was as hard as finding a pair of black patent Christian Louboutin Pigalle's back in Autumn 2013. I put myself on the waiting list and waited... And waited... And waited. Then out of the blue, BAM a space became available. Squeaky bum time! Off to my first insanity class I was going. This was about 6 weeks ago.
The class started at 7:30pm, "I'll pick you up at 7" were Nikki's words. "I'll drive; you're ALWAYS late. We CAN'T be late".... Ahhhhh Ye with little faith. Unfortunately her observation was pretty accurate. Time keeping is not my strength.... This is me.
One of my best friends, Nikki (not of the Grahame variety) began Insanity classes this time last year along with her sister in law. I was suffering with all day sickness and nausea at this time as I was about 8/9 weeks pregnant! As I got fatter, Gemma and Nikki were getting fitter.
My obsessive social media disorder kicked in and I started following Insane Fitness with Victoria Sutton on Facebook and Instagram. With good intentions I committed to Nikki and myself that I would sign up for these classes post babies.
As I suffered badly during my pregnancy with Nancy I had to wait around 12 weeks before I started exercising as the pain was still there in my left hip/groin. I guess it wasn't my wisest idea to sign up for the Color Obstacle Run or attempt to do it 2 weeks after this with no training... But that's another story for another time!
Back to insanity.... It soon became apparent that getting a space in these classes was as hard as finding a pair of black patent Christian Louboutin Pigalle's back in Autumn 2013. I put myself on the waiting list and waited... And waited... And waited. Then out of the blue, BAM a space became available. Squeaky bum time! Off to my first insanity class I was going. This was about 6 weeks ago.
The class started at 7:30pm, "I'll pick you up at 7" were Nikki's words. "I'll drive; you're ALWAYS late. We CAN'T be late".... Ahhhhh Ye with little faith. Unfortunately her observation was pretty accurate. Time keeping is not my strength.... This is me.
It was only a 10 minute journey from my house but when we arrived I understood why. Toria is ex-military. Totally inspiring as she has a wee nipper herself but doesn't take prisoners. She's not there to stroke your ego, she's there to kick your arse and give you what you've paid for; a beasting. That aside she's a very lovely lady!
As the music started and she opened her mouth I shit myself! Despite being a fit person pre-pregnancy, 32 weeks of very little intense exercise and just under 2 stone heavier than I was before, this was likely to kill me!
During my first class I felt sick rise in my throat a handful of times, was dripping with sweat and aching like I'd been battered with a cricket bat! I hated the class, loathed it and yes I continued to put myself on the waiting list.
I struggled to walk up and down the stairs, stand up and sit down, pick up my children and change gears in my car for approximately 4 days. I also felt like I'd got 2 black eyes from my enlarged, milk filled bossom. I could give Katie Price, pre-reduction, a run for her money. (Any recommendations on sports bras for the larger busted ladies extremely welcome!)
I continued on the waiting list, getting on most weeks. My fitness is gradually improving. I do however feel like the big fat biffa at the back of the class with the doughnut forming jelly belly mum tum. I try to blend in to the back wall, unfortunately my vein pulsating, cherry head disallows this!
Finally, August classes were released and I earned myself a place in the class! No waiting list for me! POW! I was feeling pretty damn smug! Like a twat I signed up for 2 classes a week during August... WHHHHYYYYY???????? Oh I remember, I've bought a rather expensive Ted Baker dress for the husbands best friends wedding in Dubai in November in a BLADDY SIZE TEN!!!!!
Tonight was my first time going to class on my own, Nikki is on holiday. And yes I was freaking late.... Drives Steve mad. I never give myself enough time for anything (hangs head in shame) I under estimate the actual time it takes to do things/gets places.
My heart starts beating faster... Sweaty palm alert. I get to the venue and there's no parking spaces anywhere, I've got 5 mins til Shaun T and Toria start shouting... SSSSSHHHHIIIITTTTT!! Round the one way system I go again like a space is going to miraculously come available. This time it's 7:28pm... Waaaahhhhhh!!! So out of desperation I park a good few minutes walk and run down. I get there, pay, go to the back and pray. Pray i'll make it through a) on my own b) with the sweat on I've already worked up and c) that my heart rate can cope increasing any more.
"LEVEL 7 TONIGHT" Toria shouts, I haven't got a clue what each level entails but just thank the gods above it's not level 13 as everyone was crying about that... I've not yet had the dis-pleasure. (If you're reading Toria it doesn't mean I'm requesting!) my puddings are bouncing all over the place despite my best efforts to strap them down! My belly is wobbling, legs shaking, sick in the throat and enough sweat to bath a small child! But I made it through without my safety blanket, Nikki.
As I came out the class I felt like my head was going to pop! I stumbled down the stairs and embraced the walk back to my car in the rain! I've come home, fed Noodles and feel well and truly pooped!
The struggle is real people! But this mummy tummy, doughnut belly, flubber what ever you wish to call it is going to go!!!
Tuesday, 4 August 2015
Hoardin'ell!
There's that old saying, from little acorns grow big oak trees. I've found a more appropriate one. From little munchkins grow pains in the arse.
Just before I got in to bed last night, I popped my head in to my little big bears room. He has the most beautiful face, thick long lashes just like his daddy, a cute button nose and rose bud lips. So many similarities between him and Noodles. I stared at him for a few minutes thinking to myself how something so angelic can be such a devil once his eyes open! Clearly charging up whilst he rests!
As we creep up to his 4th birthday (5 days to go) I think back to this time 4 years ago. I was massive. Disgusting. My skin stretched that much I genuinely thought it was going to split! I thought I was easily having a 10lber . Imagine my shock when he was only 7lb 9oz!!!! That was a lot of additional timber I was going to have to shift! Surprisingly I manage to escape with not one stretch mark on my tummy!
Over the past 4 years I have been terrible at discarding things. Clothes, blankets, toys... The list goes on. Only when I found out we were having a girl with Nancy did I finally let his clothes go... I wanted to cry as I did, but kept sentimental bits and bobs; Hospital to home outfit, first DCFC baby grow, first pair of shoes etc. My sisters friends daughter had premature twin boys and already had a little girl under one. I sent all of Olly's clothes, some worn just once, to her. She got caught out and had little time to get organised.
Toys. We have enough to open our own Toys'r'us. This morning we've had the carpets deep cleaned, our beautiful dining room has been hijacked by the bear. It's turned into his playroom. With that in mind do you think every other room in the house (with the exception of his bedroom) would be toy free. That would be incorrect.
Every parent will empathise with the small human takeover that happens. When you welcome these small bundle of joys in to your world you open your life, heart and home up to them. At that point you the lose the right to any "adult only" areas.
With the carpets been cleaned we had to empty the rooms. So yesterday I thought I would take the opportunity to de-clutter/reduce the toys that we have. I also thought it only fair that the bear helps. After all, they are his toys. What a stupid, stupid idea from ones self...
What should of took a couple of hours took 6. SIX FRIGGING HOURS. I was raging. Six hours of my life I will never get back. Me and the boy had a serious marmite relationship going on whilst the task at hand took place. One minute we loved each other, the next, not so much. Every single toy I put in the rubbish bag (broken, lost parts, damaged... I would donate perfectly working toys we no longer used to charity shops) he got back out. "But this is my favourite" "momma I love this" "not you throw that away, it's mine" I seriously lost the will. It was a painful task. I felt like I had a miniature terrorist following me, sabotaging my work. 2 steps behind undoing everything I was doing. Under normal circumstance I would've walked away and left the mess, but knowing at 9:30am the cleaners were arriving I knew I had to persevere.
It was a painful experience with a hoarding child worse than his momma, a teething baby that just wants to be held (it's amazing what you can learn to do with one arm) but we survived. I even think we had a slightly impressed Daddy when he got home. I on the other hand needed a stiff drink. Instead I had an apple and black currant cordial, downfalls of breast feeding!
Carpets are now done. Hooray. Now to return the filtered down toy collection.
Just before I got in to bed last night, I popped my head in to my little big bears room. He has the most beautiful face, thick long lashes just like his daddy, a cute button nose and rose bud lips. So many similarities between him and Noodles. I stared at him for a few minutes thinking to myself how something so angelic can be such a devil once his eyes open! Clearly charging up whilst he rests!
As we creep up to his 4th birthday (5 days to go) I think back to this time 4 years ago. I was massive. Disgusting. My skin stretched that much I genuinely thought it was going to split! I thought I was easily having a 10lber . Imagine my shock when he was only 7lb 9oz!!!! That was a lot of additional timber I was going to have to shift! Surprisingly I manage to escape with not one stretch mark on my tummy!
Over the past 4 years I have been terrible at discarding things. Clothes, blankets, toys... The list goes on. Only when I found out we were having a girl with Nancy did I finally let his clothes go... I wanted to cry as I did, but kept sentimental bits and bobs; Hospital to home outfit, first DCFC baby grow, first pair of shoes etc. My sisters friends daughter had premature twin boys and already had a little girl under one. I sent all of Olly's clothes, some worn just once, to her. She got caught out and had little time to get organised.
 |
| Before |
Toys. We have enough to open our own Toys'r'us. This morning we've had the carpets deep cleaned, our beautiful dining room has been hijacked by the bear. It's turned into his playroom. With that in mind do you think every other room in the house (with the exception of his bedroom) would be toy free. That would be incorrect.
Every parent will empathise with the small human takeover that happens. When you welcome these small bundle of joys in to your world you open your life, heart and home up to them. At that point you the lose the right to any "adult only" areas.
With the carpets been cleaned we had to empty the rooms. So yesterday I thought I would take the opportunity to de-clutter/reduce the toys that we have. I also thought it only fair that the bear helps. After all, they are his toys. What a stupid, stupid idea from ones self...
What should of took a couple of hours took 6. SIX FRIGGING HOURS. I was raging. Six hours of my life I will never get back. Me and the boy had a serious marmite relationship going on whilst the task at hand took place. One minute we loved each other, the next, not so much. Every single toy I put in the rubbish bag (broken, lost parts, damaged... I would donate perfectly working toys we no longer used to charity shops) he got back out. "But this is my favourite" "momma I love this" "not you throw that away, it's mine" I seriously lost the will. It was a painful task. I felt like I had a miniature terrorist following me, sabotaging my work. 2 steps behind undoing everything I was doing. Under normal circumstance I would've walked away and left the mess, but knowing at 9:30am the cleaners were arriving I knew I had to persevere.
 |
| I saw this on Facebook today.... This was us all over! |
It was a painful experience with a hoarding child worse than his momma, a teething baby that just wants to be held (it's amazing what you can learn to do with one arm) but we survived. I even think we had a slightly impressed Daddy when he got home. I on the other hand needed a stiff drink. Instead I had an apple and black currant cordial, downfalls of breast feeding!
Carpets are now done. Hooray. Now to return the filtered down toy collection.
 |
| After |
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