Can I have a word please...

What a roller coaster these past 7 weeks have been! My little man all grown up and at full time school... I was praying his mischievous character wouldn't get him on the wrong side of his teacher early doors, but who was I kidding. The saying isn't famous without reason. The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.

Second week in, it's Thursday and I go to pick my monster up from school, as all the children are being dismissed from the Reception gate, I try to catch Lightening McQueen's eye to let her know "I'm here" but she looks beyond me. So I shuffle around a bit, Cooey, I'm here, even do that awkward, can you see me wave which I'm returned with an index finger (signalling 1 minute) in the air. Christ. And then follow those 6 words that you don't really want to hear...

"Can I have a word please?"

On the Wednesday night Olly had been in and out of his room all night and was a nightmare getting ready for school in the morning. We were both exhausted but I hoped when he got to school he would perk up and be alright.  Maybe he'd be one of those kids that fell asleep on the carpet during afternoon story time because it's all got "a bit too much"

My bear is the last one in the class to be let out.  He has been on a boundary pushing bender. I could feel my face and ears burning.  I'm relieved that no other parents are there to hear but also want the floor to open up and swallow me whole. I know he can be a little sod for us but you hope when your children are in other surroundings, with other people, that they'll behave. Oh no, not Olly. Olly will see just how far he can get.

I'm told he has spent the majority of the day on the brown leaf. Let me explain the behaviour hierarchy...

The Tree - all children in the class start the day here.
The Green Leaf - for children who make "good choices" or do something that deserves praise
The Sunflower - For the king-ding-a-lings of the class. The pinnacle.
THE BROWN LEAF - for children who have received 3 warnings and STILL make BAD CHOICES
Floppy dog - A teddy bear that is called Floppy from the Biff and Chip books, he and his diary go home with a child from the class who is star of the day

There was one little lad in his class that had been put on "the brown leaf" one day and took it upon himself at break time to pop back in to the class and put himself back on the tree. I pissed myself at this, fair play! He obviously felt he'd done his time. I heard this didn't go down too well.  I was secretly pleased this wasn't Olly though, but in hindsight maybe that would've have welcomed a bit more than being kept behind.

Now I was no angel and school, but no demon for that matter too. I was rent-a-gob, far too much to say.  I remember being sent to the head teachers office in year 5 during sports day after calling someone in my class a twat. He was and it was deserved. I should perhaps mention that this word was part of my families every day lingo and was thrown around loosely. So to make it to 10 years old without getting in trouble for using the word was both a miracle and achievement in itself.

Anyhow. I digress. I am informed that Lightening McQueen has used all her usual methods to encourage better choices with no success so the threat of speaking to "mum" at the end of the day was extreme measures. As she's stood telling me all about it, Olly looks quite frankly, like he couldn't give a shit. In the car he advises me that school isn't really his thing. He'd like to be 3 again and go back to pre-school to play with Emily.

Due to his actions and us being kept back, we were now running late for swimming lessons. Most parents will probably understand the struggle of keeping to a tight deadline with after school activities. Thursday is swimming day, we finish school at 3:30pm get back to the car for 3:40-45pm, drive across the city to venue for swimming, arrive at 4:10pm, get changed and do a quick toilet stop, on poolside for 4:25pm ready for a 4:30pm start.  We were at least 10 minutes behind schedule. I was blowing steam out my arse. Olly was very blasé about it all.

We have a chat in the car and decide when we get home from swimming we will make sorry cards for Lightening and his TA.  And we do.

Friday on the way to school he tells me how he's going to try his hardest to get on the green leaf and when we arrive at school hands his sorry cards to his teacher and TA. They are a little shocked to receive them but thank him and we all raise and imaginary glass to the fact it's a new day, fresh start and TFI Friday!

3:30pm I go to collect the boy. I'm feeling secretly confident we will have had a better day. She opens the class door, then gate. Lightening looks as though she needs to go for a swim in a pool of wine.

THE LITTLE SOD WAS WORSE....

I apologise and scarper, stern words to be had in the car... It may be his christening weekend but treats will be rationed and he will understand bad behaviour is not rewarded. Changes will be made and Monday will be different. And it was. Olly picked up a sickness bug and wasn't allowed to go to school... 

Which now takes me on to the worst week of 2015....